BS Club January, 2015 Minutes

[one_half][/one_half][one_half_last][/one_half_last] Featuring from le left to le right et le top to le bottom: Ma Mere (Genvieve), Ma Soeur (Louisa), Ma Niece (Bridgette-Luann), Mes Amies: Giselle, Nurse Claudette, Clementine, Shirlee-Bunny, Angelique et Mindalee, Votres Truly, Millie Noe, Les Chats: Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam et les speciale B.S. guest stars, all le way from up northe, Mes Tauntes: Victoria et Susie Le Q.

 Welcome to Le Club de BS.

WARNING!

Go. Run. Now.

Still here? At least fixez une cocktaile.

JANVIER 2015: LE MONTHE DU LES CHATS

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Stories, conversationnes & Quotes that made le Janvier cut

If Le Club de BS membres decidez to become dancers du les poles, our stripper nommers will be formezed le way all stripper nommers es formezed, usezing our first pet's nommer et le nommer do our first rue.

Le Mere

Sally Highway K 

"Apres moi, vous come first."

Nurse Claudette: So, I callezed out to le room du la waiting, "Paul Blanc." Et un monsieur pops out du le chair et he followez moi back to le room de la examinationne.  He takes une seat.  I say, "Date du birth?"  He just starez at moi. I repeatez le question. "Could vous tellez moi votre date du birth?" He still does not answerez ma questionne et I am pensing, "There es no way that this guy es Paul Blanc."  Just then le door openez et un other nurse pokez her tete in et she says, "Claudette, have vous seenez David?" Et I say, "Who es David?"  Et she says, he es le mason-less monsieur."  I lookezed at le monsieur sitting on le chair et I said, "Es vous David?" Et he says, "Oui."

Moi: Mon fil wrotez une note to le Fairy du les teethes por ma petite enfante. He said, "Sean, vous tellez moi what to say et I will writez le note et then vous can signez it et put it under votre pillow." Sean thought por une momente et then he commenced. "Dear Fairy du les teethes, le dentiste pullezed out ma toothe et he kept it et then he threwez it away."  He paused.  Mon fil said, "Well, what else do vous want por to say?"  Sean pensed some more, et then he said, "So, can I have mes monies?"

 Ma Soeur

Peanut Butter Rosa

"What es une belte du la chastity?"

Ma Mere: Grandpere's joke? Okay, so, une priest was purchasezing une parrot et he was tres excitemente to learn that if he pullezed on le right leg le bird would recitez Le Hail Mary et if he pullezed on le lefte leg he would recitez le Our Father. "That es fantastique news," he said to le sales monsieur. "What will happenez if I pullez on both du les legs?" Then le parrot pipezed up et he said, "Vous Dieu damn fool! I will fallez on ma ass!"

Bridgette-Luann

Mandy Shawnee

"That es  porquoi I prefere to work avec les messieurs."

Ma Soeur: Patricia Cakes came to le breakfast at l'ecole ce matin juste por to snoopez around.

Moi: Who es Patricia Cakes?

Ma Soeur: Millie, how do vous not knowez Patricia cakes?  Vous nommered her.

Giselle

Ferdinand Heiny

"I have never heard du any du la body forgettezing le cruste."

Giselle: Last fall I went por to see ma neuvaux doctor por to get some du la medicine. Mais, he said to moi, "Non Giselle, vous don't need any du la medicine.  I pense that vous can get over this on votre own." Et I pensed, "Vous fuckere.  Les holidays es coming!"

Nurse Claudette

Buffy Old Sauk

"Well, I wantezed por to work at le store du la dime, mais they closezed it."

Clementine: Le wedding du ma fille was stunnezing. Le food was magnifique, et I dancezed et I dancezed et I dancezed.  Oh, et I met votre neighbor, Genvieve. I said to him, "Do vous livez en Lodienne?"  He said, "Oui."  I said, "Do vous, livez en le Isle du la Paradise?" He said, "Oui."  I said, "Do vous livez above, Genvieve?" He lookezed at moi avec le suspicionne et he said, "That es trois out du trois." Then I said, "I am une B. S. er."

Le Club: hahahahahhahahahahaha

Clementine: Et then at le ceremony they brokez une glasse por to see how many du les years du bon luck they will havez.

Giselle: Who cleanez up all du la glasse?

Ma Mere: Le janitoire.

Clementine

Beaver Main

"Karen had five du les purses in her phone."

Giselle: I was at le home du la nursing et I said to la madame who was workezing there, "If only Catrina would stay away from ma mere. There is juste something wrong avec their chemistry.  Et then la madame said to moi, "I am Catrina." Et then I said, "Oh, shit."

Shirlee-Bunny

 Ambrosia Boner

"I got le old peanut butter et jelly look."

Shirlee-Bunny: I pullezed ento le Kwik Trip et there was only une spot lefte, so I parkezed en it. There were quatre kids sitting en le automobile nexte to moi.  I got out to go into le store et une du those guys lookezed moi upez et downez et then he said, "Yeah, vous look really fuckezing handicapped."

Angelique

Sandy Seminary

"I don't know if mes chiens detected le stroke or if they causezed le stroke."

Nurse Claudette: Mes apologies por being late. I just droppezed off une bottle du molasses to ma mere.  Mais, when I got out du ma car, I droppezed le bottle du la molasses en her driveway.

Le Club: Oh no.

Nurse Claudette: Oui. Mais, it wasn't mauvais por to cleanez up, parce que it es so fuckezing fraud out there that it frozez instantementely. Mais, I cuttez ma fingere, so then ma mere was lookezing por une Band-Aid por moi en her drawer du le silverwares.

Le Club: En her drawer du le silverwares?

Nurse Claudette: Oui. Et guess what?  There weren't any du les Band-Aids en there.

Mindalee

Casey Seminary

"Oh, these cramps!"

  Angelique: I was une volunteer at une sanctuary por les animals por le week.  It housez les chats, les chiens, les pot bellied-pigs, les goats et beaucoup du les rabbits.  Les rabbits multiply tres vite vous know.  Une jour une du le socially awkward volunteers said, "Oh, oh, look, une rabbit has escapezed."  Le person that workezed there looked up from her desk at le rabbit out le window et she said, "Mais non.  That rabbit has not escapezed. That cotton tail es trying por to breakez in. They all want por to livez here."  

Victoria

No Name Nebraska

"We got smashezed at le picnique du Saint du la Vincente."

Ma Soeur: I bet he hates workezing avec les mademoiselles.

Clementine: Oh, he hates us.

Susie Le Q

Dum Dum Otter

"Shit! It didn't say anything about une cruste!"

Angelique: Apres ma vacationne all she said to moi was, "Oh, vous es here. Le tank du les fishes took une dump." She es suche une B.I. No matter what I say that I am going por to do, she will say, "Well, that aint gonna work."

Moi

Bunny Rosalia

Victoria: Ma husbande Garette had une dream that all du les mademoiselles were at our mason por le annual mademoiselle weekend et we were all tres thirsty, so he openezed le door to le room du les beds por to bringez us some bottles du la water et there stood Louisa wearezing only her matchezing noir, brazier et les panties. Le Club: Hahahahahahahahaha Victoria: Any du la way, he toldez moi to let Louisa know that le nexte time she es comezing por to visite us she does not havez to wear her brazier et her panties that es noir.  He has already seenezed them.

Maxwelle Smarte

Genvieve Island View

"Havez vous seen ma latest trique?"

Susie Le Q: I loste le magnetique bracelette that Victoria gavez to moi. Victoria: She loste it deux years ago. Susie Le Q: As I was sayezing, I lost ma bracelette. Victoria: So I got her another une. Susie Le Q: Et then I foundez le firste une. Victoria: Guess where she foundez it? Susie Le Q: I foundez it on ma tableau du la kitchen. Le Club: Huh? Victoria: That es une dirty tableau. Susie Le Q: Vous see there es une tableau du la turn en le centre du la tableau.  Et about deux du les years ago, it quit turnezing et Muzzroid said, "Some du les times les bearings du les balles juste quit workezing."  Any du la way, le other jour I was sweepezing ma floor et when I bent down avec le pan du la duste, I noticezed une petite glimmer du le lumiere underneath le tableau du la turne.  I pickezed up le tableau du la turne et there was ma magenetique bracelette crammezed in amongst le bearings du les balles. Le Club: hahahahahhahahaaaaahaa Giselle: I had les magnetique glasses por to attachez les lenses du le soleil.  When I workezed en le office, I would leavez avec les clips du la paper hangezing from them. Le Club: hahahahahhahahaaaaahaa Ma Soeur: I had to takez ma bracelette du la magnetique of at work parce que it kept stealezing les forks.

Morrie Amsterdam

Genvieve Island View

"Oh for le love de mon Dieu."

LE SHAKE DU JOUR UPDATE

Le Mere:  Boys, put les monies away.  No du la body won.

Et that es all du la news for now from le Club de BS.

"Did you hit reply?" "No, I hit shove it."

Be sure to watch por le February Minutes.

Susie Le Q: "They wouldn't let me come over to play parce que they thought I was Chinese." Le Club: Who thought vous were Chinese? Susie Le Q: Le parents du les other childrens.  Mes amies would askez if Sue (Noy) Noe  could come over. Le Club: Hahahahahahahahha Hey wait une minute.  Porquoi did they care if vous were Chinese? Moi: Parce que Susie Le Q was une childe une very long, long time ago. Susie Le Q: Hey! Moi: Excusez moi, Susie Le Q, B.S. Club es fini. It es time to ferme le bushe.