The Adorable Snitch
Adorable snitch: An informer who has qualities that tend to make one loved in spite of being a tattletale
Lucy is finally finished sorting out her dirty laundry. She has set aside this time to answer a few questions in regard to the Who's Who Investigation.
For those of you who have not met Lucy, she is Tuna's cousin as well as a former roommate to Grandma Meow Moses.
They were roomies back in the day when Grandma was only slightly ancient and ring leader of the Grandma Meow Moses Gang, with other members such as Wild Man Bandit, Miley the Bull and Baby Face Lucy.
These four, two of the canine species and two of feline heritage, made a tightly knit pack of fur, all under one roof.
Bandit is a very large black and white cat who has always enjoyed naps and treats and treats and naps. He was living with his dad. And then one day, Bandit's dad fell in love. And that girlfriend of his brought a cat named Meow Meow with her. Bandit did not care for Meow Meow. Meow Meow did not care for Bandit. But since their parents tied the knot they had to deal. After some time they learned not only to tolerate each other they also began tag teaming with treat begging, lap time and other assorted tricks.
And then just as life was looking good, in walks a big old English Bulldog name Miley. She looked an awful lot like their father. It was no wonder he took her in.
Well, nobody liked Miley, as in Bandit and Grandma. Miley got all kinds of new diamond studded collars, squeaky toys galore, and her very own Packer Jersey for game day photo ops. Their mom even used to paint Mileys' toenails pink, just to embarrass their dad when he took her out for a walk.
This however proved not to be much of a problem as her father quickly learned that Miley was not about walking very far. He could barely manage to get her off the little patio to do her business before she would turn around and head back inside to her life of hogging the entire sofa.
Suddenly and very tragically, they lost their mother.
Life was a big sad jumble.
The pack of fur balls learned to make due with their doting father and an aunt who had moved in.
Shortly after came Lucy, a tiny dog with a big mouth.
The three did not seem to care that Lucy had lost both her parents in a short time and had nowhere else to go.
Lucy was an outsider.
And she was a tattletale.
Lucy and Miley got into a milk bone scrap one afternoon and that is when Miley bit Lucy in the eye.
Lucy screamed bloody murder and got Miley into all kinds of trouble before her new dad took her in for a couple stitches.
When Lucy returned with a patch over her eye she looked like a pirate which made Wild Man Bandit and Grandma Meow Moses warm up to her. Together they persuaded Miley to apologize to Lucy, who they all referred to as Baby Face Lucy after the incident.
From then on out the furry four were known throughout the apartment building as The Grandma Meow Moses Gang.
Nobody dared to mess with Miley the lock jaw Bulldog, Wild Man Bandit and his giant punching paws, Baby Face Lucy and her ferocious bark, nor the greatest gang leader of all time, Grandma Meow Moses, a woman who never takes shit from anybody on account of her royal blood.
But alas, due to the unthinkable, as in the tragic loss of their beloved father, the pack was forced to split up and to find new homes.
They were all fortunate in that regard.
Bandit stayed with his aunt. Miley moved in with an uncle. Lucy wiggled her way into the heart of one of Millie's granddaughters. And Grandma Meow Moses moved in with Millie, Sven and Tuna.
Sometimes Lucy goes to visit her cousin and old roomie over there in the black hole just outside Harmony Grove.
Here she is now.
"I really cannot say anything," Lucy said when Millie turned on the recorder.
That is when Millie learned that adorable snitches do not snitch on purpose. They mean well. It is just that they cannot help themselves when they have information burning a hole in their pocket.
"Okay," said Millie, "never mind then."
She turned off the recorder.
"Tuna has every intention of murdering Grandma," Lucy started out. "He plans to rip her to pieces."
Millie was shocked to hear about this violent side of her sweet little Tuna Burger.
And then Lucy went on to tell her that Tuna had even asked her to be an accomplice.
"I was suppose to distract you with my cuteness so that you would forget to close the assisted living apartment door tightly."
"That is terrible."
"He plans to aim for her throat and wants to catch her before she puts on her pearls for breakfast, on account of his last attempt when he chipped his tooth."
Lucy explained that she had no intentions of helping Tuna. And that is exactly what she told Tuna. She also told Grandma about Tuna's intentions. That is why Tuna is not that fond of Lucy.
"Why does Tuna hate Grandma?" asked Millie. "She is such a sweet old thing."
"Tuna believes that if Grandma could, she would sit right on your lap, right in front of him and take a bath. That she would eat his treats. And she would like to take his place."
Deep down Millie had always had a feeling that Tuna was not good with sharing.
"And he is sick and tired of all her name calling and spitting."
What Lucy told Millie next shocked everybody in the room.
"Grandma asked me to help her out too. She said that whenever you take me out for walks I should always pull you down the driveway towards the road because you will do whatever I want and Tuna will be watching. And Tuna will follow us wherever we go. And perhaps he might step out onto that road. And. Well."
"That is terrible."
"Grandma's smart. She doesn't plan to spend the rest of her life behind bars. An accident is an accident, is what she likes to say. That is what she said back when she was the leader of The Grandma Meow Moses Gang when that UPS guy tripped over a pile of squeaky toys on top of a pile of shit we left in front of the door. He stepped, they squeaked, he dropped a package and flew back to his truck with poop on his shoes. Boy did we laugh. Those were the good old days."
"Why does Grandma hate Tuna?" Millie asked Lucy.
"Because Tuna is planning to bite her head off."
With that she jumped off my lap and headed to the door.
"Lucy," said Millie. "You do pull me down the driveway when I take you for walks."
"I have to get going," Lucy replied suddenly in a hurry. "My mom and I have a shopping day planned. Bye."
For more stories in The Who's Who Murder Series, click above on Who's Who Case.