Is it Spring Yet? Midwest Slammed with Decent Holiday Weather Decent holiday weather catches folks off their game in the Midwest.
Is it Spring Yet? Grandma Outlives Fountain of Youth Fountain of youth croaks and life goes on in the black hole just outside Harmony Grove.
Is it Spring Yet? Hunter Bunter Dear Hunter, Love and longing always. A year without you, cherished spots hold your ashes. Life...
Is it Spring Yet? Grandma Meow Moses and the Fountain of Youth Life has changed a lot since the days of Ponce de Leon.Ask Grandma.All I had to...
Is it Spring Yet? Life After the Who’s Who Case It has been two months since Grandma Meow Moses and Tuna stood before Judge Judy.Their sentences...
Is it Spring Yet? Watch Cat Tuna patrols his turf the same as Hunter Bunter always did. Hunter is on his way...
Is it Spring Yet? Mr. Cleaver Is Awake SEASON TWOOn the second day of spring, a blanket of snow covered the black hole just...
Is it Spring Yet? Feline Rastafarian Grandma Meow Moses lives in an assisted living apartment downstairs from my sweet Sven, Tuna our...
Is it Spring Yet? Hunter Learns to Fly Dear Mom and Dad,Sorry I haven’t written for a while. But you know that we are...
Winter Makes You Wonder The Cleaners Sven Eastwood and Tuna shine in their roles in the action packed hit series coming your...
Winter Makes You Wonder Cousin Love Tuna is pictured on the left. Lucy is on the right. Yours truly is seated in...
Winter Makes You Wonder Living on the Edge Most of the changes in our lives happen behind our backs.Like the flickering of lights meaning...
Winter Makes You Wonder Olivia Newton Reese They say the BS Club pot has grown larger than the power ball.Nobody has won in...
Winter Makes You Wonder The Case of Who’s Who The Plaintiff: Grandma Meow Moses (above right)Is suing the defendant for $5000.00 for ruining a pearl...
Winter Makes You Wonder Millie Noe it All Love Expert It is the official month of love. If you are in need of advice, ask Millie...
Is it Spring Yet? Chapter 4 – A Who’s Who of Who is Attempting to Murder Who Series The Adorable Snitch Adorable snitch: An informer who has qualities that tend to make one loved...
Winter Makes You Wonder Chapter 3 – A Who’s Who of Who is Attempting to Murder Who Series Chapter 3 – An Interview with the Anonymous Cousin Anonymous: an individual who remains unnamed or...
Winter Makes You Wonder Chapter 2 – A Who’s Who of Who is Attempting to Murder Who Series The Eccentric Eccentric: an individual who behaves in odd or unusual ways They say she came...
Winter Makes You Wonder A Who’s Who of Who is Attempting to Murder Who Series Chapter 1 – The Opportunist Opportunist: an individual who exploits circumstances to gain immediate advantage rather...
Winter Makes You Wonder A Winter Story Last week, I walked out the door one morning with a fresh brewed cup of coffee...
Winter Makes You Wonder Millie Noe It All and a Secret Letter Dear Millie Noe it all, My husband says that toilet paper should roll over the top....
Thoughts for Fall Turkey Day Ten days prior to Turkey Day here in the black hole just outside Harmony Grove, our...
Thoughts for Fall Winter is Coming I have been binge listening to Game of Thrones on Audible.“What’s that Louisa?”Hang on. My sister...
Thoughts for Fall Cat Detective Caught Napping Fact.Tuna, a scrappy pre-teen punk in a suit, moved in with us October 2019.Fact.Grandma Meow Moses,...
Thoughts for Fall Behind My Bifold Doors I find it interesting that pairs of shoes tossed together into a closet never land together.Or...
Thoughts for Fall Fall It bet it was fall when my people, whoever they were, settled in the Midwest.“Honey, how...
Thoughts for Fall The Original Thelma and Louise “What’s our favorite word?”“Fob!” we yelled.“Who’s our favorite uncle?”“Lee!” we screamed.“What number do we hate?”“285!”And then...
Thoughts for Fall Leave Er Be “You are no match for that guy,” said my sweet Sven.“But.”“You are only antagonizing him.”I looked...
Is it Spring Yet? Grandma Meow Moses’ Story The day my new parents, Millie and Sven came to pick me up from my apartment...
Is it Spring Yet? The Passive Aggressive War Millie was talking about their chaos filled lives that followed the loss of their beloved King...
Is it Spring Yet? A Letter From Furgatory Hi,I cannot believe it has already been four months since that nice lady with all the...
Is it Spring Yet? A Rhinestone Cowboy Not everyone could make it to Christmas at the cottage this summer.One of the missing persons...
Is it Spring Yet? Tree Huggers and the Cleavers When I arrived at the home of Millie and Sven, I found a petite woman in...
Is it Spring Yet? Dam Pond Here in the black hole just outside Harmony Grove sits a dam pond and next to...
Is it Spring Yet? The Cleavers “Did you hear that?” I whispered.My sweet Sven did not respond.I rolled over in the dark...
Is it Spring Yet? Flying Sisters “Look. A restroom,” said my sister.“Get on the plane.”“But.” she grumbled.I glared and she walked up...
Is it Spring Yet? The Next Chapter There are some big shoes to fill around here now that Hunter, king of the jungle...
Is it Spring Yet? BYOG “There is somebody here,” yelled my sweet Sven. I came out of my writing room to...
Is it Spring Yet? Chaos Without a King Three kings and three decades later my sweet Sven and I remain here in the black...
Is it Spring Yet? Week One My sweet Sven and I have not been able to carry on a conversation without being...
Is it Spring Yet? Hunter Bunter In one fell swoop Hunter Bunter picked up his head, let out a bark, laid his...
Is it Spring Yet? The Titanic Trio and Cuggly Nestled in the black hole just outside Harmony Grove are Bark Man, Tuxedo Boy and Cat...
Is it Spring Yet? The Season in Between the Season in Between According to the placement of the moon and the sun and the stars and the prevailing...
Is it Spring Yet? Spring Training March is the month we Wisconsinites dream about.This is when euphoria hits us in the face...
Is it Spring Yet? Grandma Loses Dreadlocks Everybody has a secret.Grandma Meow Moses is no exception.Although she is often pictured on my website...
Is it Spring Yet? Cookie Eyes This is Hunter.He is our very own living legend here in the black hole just outside...
Winter Makes You Wonder Detective for Hire During the time in which I have been busy emptying, sanding and painting my kitchen cupboards,...
Winter Makes You Wonder Sven’s Cookies If your condiment shelf on your refrigerator door is held there by the grace of duct...
Winter Makes You Wonder Dear Millie Dear Millie Noe it all, The other night my wife said, “Be careful. You are going...
Winter Makes You Wonder Bark Man Has Something to Sing “Cut! Millie, what the hell is that dog wearing?” Excuse me folks while I explain to...
Winter Makes You Wonder Christmas Tree Day and the Titanic Trio When it comes to Christmas Tree Day, it is hard to find anyone who does not...
Thoughts for Fall Murder in the Black Hole I am not counting the days.But it has been eight.On a cold and gray November 13,...
Thoughts for Fall Tuxedo Boy has Check Up TITANIC TRIO SEASON IIIEPISODE 1 The results I compiled from a recent study show that nobody...
Thoughts for Fall The Other Cheers I do not remember my first visit to the dentist, which means I was either too...
Thoughts for Fall A Recipe For Thin Skin This is my Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells.I picked it up with a few other books while...
Thoughts for Fall Titanic Trio and the Sinking Ship It is always busy here in the black hole.Tuxedo Boy can be spotted in trees, walking...
Thoughts for Fall Grandma Meow Moses It was the tail end of the sunny season here in Wisconsin.That is why I was...
Is it Spring Yet? Never Ending Summer Ends The orange cones will forever be there and today’s Bloody Mary is as likely as tomorrow’s...
Cat Lady Defies Gravity The Titanic Trio Season Two Episode Three In the black hole just outside Harmony Grove lives...
Tuxedo Boy Tells All Titanic Trio, Season Two, Episode Two. Today’s best dressed super hero, with nearly thirty acres to...
Bark Man Adds Sling to Arsenal The Titanic Trio. Season Two. Episode One. It has been a long and lazy summer for...
Just a Little Side Story Keeler Christmas in August had quite a turn out this year. As Grandma Jan, would have...
Where Credit is Due Here in the black hole outside of Harmony Grove, where there are not enough gigabytes to...
Beware of Grandma These bright green eyes and whiskers belong to Grandma Meow Moses. We have another cat as...
What is the Rush? “We are not in any hurry,” says my sweet Sven. “Why did you say that?” “Contractors...
Dinner with the Titanic Trio It is a requirement for caped crusaders to be teetotalers since they are on call twenty-four...
The Titanic Trio Episode Three It is now noon and all of the I, me, Millie Noe moments are over, as...
The Titanic Trio Episode Two Ten am through noon is often naptime for my three caped crusaders, which is very important...
Grandma Jan’s Couch At first I thought it was the trailer causing all the commotion. Last fall my sweet...
Opposite Day in the Black Hole Opposite day. Bizarro world. You say goodbye. I say hello. However you want to put it,...
Hunter, Moses and Punk “Good afternoon Ms. Meow Moses.” “Good afternoon. Thank you for having me.” “I understand that you...
A Day in the Life of a Picses It is March. Time to mess with Pisces. Which begins at the information window that one...
Cat Talk, the Season Finale “On today’s Cat Talk, Finley, the guy who tells it like it is, will finally tell...
Millie Makes House Call On today’s Cat Talk, phamous pheline psychiatrist, Millie M.D. Noe, pays a visit to the home...
One Rug, Two Rug, Three Rug, Dog When I called the agency, the woman on the line claimed they only had one left...
Dance Party Animals As soon as I clear the coffee table from my dance floor, Hunter the resident puppy...
My Sister’s Cat “Welcome to Cat Talk with phamous pheline psychologist, Millie M.D. Noe and today’s featured guest, Finley,...
Cat Talk with Tuna Welcome to Cat Talk. Today Millie M.D. Noe, phamous pheline pyschiatrist and …. “What’s that Louisa?”...
Cat Talk Join Pheline Psychiatrist, Millie M.D. Noe, with today’s featured guest, Grandma Meow Moses on, Cat Talk....
Peace and Carats “I found the carrot,” said my sweet Sven with a mouthful. “The carrot?” “Yeah,” he said....
Operation Clean Sheets It was a bright morning when I put the first load of clothes into the washing...
The Fat Lady Can Sing My sweet Sven and I believe that pets should be held accountable for their actions. That...
The Legend of Big Foot Yeti is real. He has been spotted on several occasions here in the black hole between...
Cheers We Keeler brothers and sisters, will not be sitting around tables scattered throughout my kitchen and...
November We Wisconsinites were recently sent a blast of unseasonably warm weather to start out month number...
Grandma Meow’s New Apartment If you live behind a curtain in a laundry room because the upstairs cat wants you...
Patrick Patrick heard the first chapter of, The Perfect Storm, while cruising around the countryside with his...
Procrastination Station [ proh-kras-tuh-ney-shuhn ] Such a confusing word, is it not? It infers that a person is...
Lost Art of the Hypochondriac I was in a deep trance and nearing Sticky Bay. All I could hear was the...
A Love Triangle Of course I feel guilty. Sneaking around wears me out. Living a double life is exhausting....
Mashed Potatoes Do not let golden skin fool you. Sure. Those potatoes make crispy hash browns. And they...
The Other Side You know those inspirational sayings about about never really losing someone because they are walking right...
The Impossible Movie Critic “This one is a comedy drama,” said my sweet Sven. “What year is it?” I said....
Four Legged Walkers Walking is good for you. Hunter, our little puppy dog who is ancient, Tunester, the cat...
Does This Mask Make My Mouth Look Big? Remember when Guess were jeans? Corona was beer? And when the Who was a band? I...
The Hunter and Tuna Connection Hunter’s side of the story. I do not hate Tuna. It’s just that I am a...
Conception By guest author Vol Lindsey 4/10/20 The pastures burn a brilliant green and stretch themselves out...
A Farewell to Maxwelle Smarte Tall, dark and handsome, Maxwelle Smarte and his equally pretty, fair skinned brother, Morrie Amsterdam, moved...
Sven Goes to Hollywood “I think I would be really good at that,” said my sweet Sven. “Really good at...
BS Club Goes All Techy “Get the App,” she said. And so we did. Because Angelique is brilliant. We in Wisconsin,...
King of Jungle Moves to Guest Room It is hard to know what is true and what is not true. That is why,...
The Accidental Hoarder About a million years ago when my Sweet Sven and I were first married, I had...
The Tradescantia Pallida Why was Shirlee-bunny on stage shaking a tambourine and singing, “You are some kind of wonderful?”...
Don’t Fence Me In By guest author Vol Lindsey 02/17/2020 On the edge of town, here on my stretch of...
Two More Poems by Vol Lindsey HELLO GOD It is the eighteenth of June and it is hot as soup. I’m smoking...
The House Guest Meet Tuna. Tuna is not on Facebook. But if Tuna were on Facebook his profile would...
Sparkle By Guest Author Vol Lindsey 12/5/19 SPARKLE Behind those piled stones, in the corner of my...
Wine Walking Women For a one time fee of just thirty-five dollars, Wine Walking Women, an elite group of...
AMHÁIN AMHÁIN DON BHÓTHAR By guest author Vol Lindsey 11/13/2019 My philosophy professor said, “The air in ancient Greece was...
That One Guy Is Back Many of you out there say ixnay to the rakay. Not me. And not Hunter. Because...
I Hope It’s Not Raining In Reno A Millie and Sven road trip and slide show. The first night of our trip to...
Lordy Lordy Look Who’s SEVENTY-SEVEN! Eleven years ago on this very day a little bundle of a puppy was born....
Most Wanted at the Car Wash “I am innocent!” I know. That’s what criminals always say. But in my case, it’s true....
The Heart of My Sole Sven bought a pair of new tennis shoes the other day because his eight year old...
Morphine and Toast “What is your pain level?” asked the pretty nurse. “Four,” answers my sweet Sven. “I’ll get...
The Staging Area Old dogs are peculiar. Especially if they were peculiar to begin with. And our Hunter, his...
Deliverance II The six of us waited in line to hang priceless ornaments as our mother unwrapped them...
Cardinal By guest author Vol Lindsey. 08/20/19 Cardinal (The color of love) They had been coming around...
That One Guy “It’s an eyesore,” complained our hoity toity canine. He was talking about the deck my sweet...
101 Reasons Not to Eat an Apple a Day An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Is a well known saying to a generation...
School of a Def Dog “Pour some sugar on me, baby!!!!” This is Hunter’s favorite line from Hunter’s favorite song. He...
The Mallow Cup Discussion “Everyone was doing it,” he said. My sweet Sven and I were sitting on our living...
A DEE-luxe Furnace Room The carriers were set in the living room. The doors were ajar. Max, the black cat...
Les Soups Stories Our favorite cookbook, like everyone’s favorite cookbook is worn out, full of scribbles and some of...
King of Jungle is Grounded Article by Gertie Judgemore Hunter, Tug-o-War Champion of the World and newly crowned King of the...
Retirement 101 Millie Noe here. Philosopher of life. Knower of all. Master of nary a thing. That is,...
Secret Lives of Kings of Jungles Hunter is my little puppy dog. And, King of the Jungle. The wildlife around here and...
Hotel Juniper My Sweet Sven planted a bush. “It’s a Juniper,” he said. “Oh,” I said. “Don’t worry....
The Other Long Winter By Millie Ingalls Noe “It was called, The Long Winter.” My sweet Sven was talking about...
A Single Key A twisted fable. My great grandmother, Big Grandma Noe, was a tiny woman. They say she...
Number One Fan Two weeks ago today my life was changed forever. Again. It is almost unbearable. But, the...
The Snowball Effect “Mom says you got the all clear sign, Millie!” said my sister, Louisa. “Yep,” I answered....
A Thumb is a Thumb It was a typical Sunday morning. I was watering the house plants in the loft. My...
Put on Your Party Dress Dear Millie, I am just not into it this year. I haven’t frosted a cookie. I...
Let Me Count the Days Remember how you walked in, back in 1983, filled out that application for that second shift...
Go Ask Millie Dear Millie, Last November I gave my fiancée a two carat diamond on her birthday. That...
Nobody is Perfect After all of my Sweet Sven’s mathematical calculations, he came to this conclusion. “Hunter,” he announced,...
A Five Pound Aunt in a Ten Gallon Hat Not so long ago, hotel inspector, Millie Noe, visited the newly opened Muzz on Inn, located...
For the Love of Socks An Exclusive interview with the man with the most socks, my husband. “Sven, why do you...
A Microwavable Moment “What?” I said to my Sweet Sven. “Weren’t you listening?” “Of course I was listening.” “Then...
Is it Spring Yet? The Muzz on Inn Millie Noe, hotel inspector. On duty. It was easy to get in to this place. The...
Is it Spring Yet? My Sister’s Kids It’s me. Millie Noe. World’s Greatest Aunt. Bridgette Luanne is the oldest. I was a little...
The Other Venus and Serena Even though we only sing along with David Allan Coe a few times during the wee...
Dogs Just Wanna Have Fun Yes, they wanna. Yes, they wanna. Dogs just wanna have fun. Just because Cyndi sings about...
The Lunch Bunch “You got yer deep fried turkey.” “Yer cream style turkey.” “Yer turkey fried steak.” “Would you...
A Documentary My sweet Sven is convinced that there are plans underway for his seventieth. “Why do you...
Give Me an F “I think it starts with an F,” said the little girl with directionally challenged, golden waves....
The Dog Who Cried Woof Remember when Lassie would let out one little woof and Paul Martin would say, “What’s the...
Life of A Pricing Specialist Everything I have ever aspired to be has begun with the letter A. Early on I...
A Story with a Slant Sven’s grandpa was hard of hearing. That’s why he used to park his red pick up...
Off the Back of a Box A girl can’t exercise these days without watching somebody sear a steak, bitch about our president...
A Punta Cana Connection I am still amazed at how many different ways a fart can be funny. I learned...
The DNA of a Snow Angel We were standing in front of my mom’s gas fireplace, toasting our buns. Our buns were...
The Unsung Poet WELCOME TO THE MILLIE NOE, VOL LINDSEY, COFFEE JAMBOURI POETRY FACE OFF A NEW DAY My...
Sven Eastwood My sweet Sven has been accused of resembling Clint. You know. The movie star. My heart...
This Morning I Woke Up Old This morning I woke up old. And I am already sick of it. Remember when you...
January the Second The Christmas tree is to the holidays what the centerfold is to Playboy. Imagine your disappointment...
Deck Your Balls with Max and Millie Max is partial to ladders and handy man tools. I am attracted to lights and sparkly...
Dear Millie and Maxie Welcome to Black Cat Friday. For all of you out there looking for answers to your...
Car 42 Where Are You? coach black fridaynorth face black friday Some people name their cars. Car 42 came with a...
The Psychatrist “What’s that?” I said to Sven, walking in the kitchen door. There was an opened card...
The Johnson Brothers There were four of us, my sweet Sven, Burt, Claudette and myself, staring into the yellow,...
A True Story about a special T-shirt The following story is about a donkey, a van and a T-shirt. The donkey and the...
Third Place And now, will the third place winner, please step forward?” Something went wrong out there in...
One Ringy Dingy Remember the operator on Laugh-In? Back in my mother’s day that was how you made a...
Sergio and the Pope cheap air jordans More than thirty years ago I married my sweet Sven. A guy who...
Millie Noe, Sports Writer – A Bird’s Eye View Ever since the Yankees won the World Series in 1996 and the camera was forever on...
Don’t Drink the Water yeezy boost 350 uk buy Remember when there was no need for bottled water? When you...
If You Can’t Be With the Toes You Love, Love the Toes You’re With This is a story of a day where nothing really goes right and nothing really goes...
A Gift of Zen from Sven nike roshe run 2 Maybe it was that story about the sterling silver rat earrings that...
The Big Heist You’ve heard of The Thomas Crown Affair and The Maltese Falcon. You’ve seen Ocean’s 12, Once...
Another Case of Mistaken Identity I paid for my gas at the pump on that cold morning in November before the...
My Dad and Eric Clapton I was my father’s favorite. “What’s that Louisa?” Let me rephrase that. My Dad liked me...
The Rock-chettes “Millie, the name is pronounced Rah-chester. Not Rock-chester.” “No it isn’t. It’s Rock-chester.” “There’s no K.”...
Millie Noe, Love Expert Dear Millie, I have been dating Sherri for a couple of months now and I really...
This is My Side of the Story It was my first week in the credit department. I had a new desk and a...
He’s Perfect My puppy has been showing signs of dissatisfaction with his doctor as of late. Last year,...
The Unspoken Truth About the Jigsaw Jigsaw (tool), a tool used for cutting arbitrary curves That is what Wikipedia says. What Wikipedia...
Dear Millie Since you are an authority on holiday etiquette, I am hoping you can solve an argument...
Christmas and Cousins The ballerina is my oldest granddaughter and to her right is my youngest nephew. The year...
Dear Millie Adidas Yeezy Boost 350 V2 UK Black For Saleyeezy boost 350yeezy 350 boostyeezy boost 350 uk...
Dear Millie I am twenty-eight. My girl, Suzette is the pertiest thing anybody ever did see. She’s got...
Scared Straight, The Real Story I have been washing the gray right out of my hair since I was a kid....
The Dark Night Remember that night? The one that started out as a balmy summer afternoon, and your friend,...
The Triple B Review The ALL-NON-inclusive Burnt Dam Hotel, located just outside Townsend, Wisconsin, has been sold. I know. Tragic.
Happy Condoween Why is October special? Could it be those leaf squalls slapping you in the face before...
Thirty Years and Three Days I was not looking forward to the price the girl with the bleached smile was about...
Last Summer Fling Life started out briskly the other morning. Dried poplar leaves twirled a foot above our driveway....
The Wiper from Hell Last winter we went skiing in Minocqua. It was on that trip that Sven discovered that...
The Millie and Sven Honeymoon “Oh my God,” I said, sitting on the seat of the city bus with my thirteen...
The Tooth Fairy I was under the impression that if I ever published a book, balloons would fall from...
Woodstock the Movie “Well,” said my mother who was sitting across the kitchen table from me, “your uncle says...
The Dream Ride – Chapter One An unlikely road trip with an unlikely pair. See what happens when humor blogger Millie...
Thunder and Lightening My neighbor stood at the end of our driveway and continued talking as I swiped an...
The Children of the Grove It was early afternoon and my first born and I were hanging out in the kitchen. He...
The Birds and the What? I was eleven when my world all came crashing in. You know, the world before the...
Boat Sailing Days March. Best month ever. My sister Louisa, disagrees. She thinks April is the best. What? You...
The Devil Wears Green “Shit!” “What’s wrong?” said my brother. “I think I might have told Tee Jay, that I would...
The Power of Static Electricity Remember when you used to drag your feet across the carpet and shock your brother with...
An Apartment Dog Who Moved to the Country Tosca Was adopted from a kill shelter, by a young couple, when he was three months...
The Black Hole “What are you wearing, Jake from State Farm?” I said into the phone. “I am not Jake, from...
Just Dance It is January and time to make a New Year’s resolution, that will change the world. That’s...
Winter Makes You Wonder A Millie and Sven Love Story Our noses are touching. “But, I don’t want to play golf,” I say. “If you try...
Merry Christmas from Millie & the Boys A Holiday Craft Recipe Our three granddaughters used to come over to help me ‘clean’ for...
According to the Internet Millie Noe has tennis elbow. And that’s weird, because, she hasn’t held onto a racket,...
What’s in Your Rearview Mirror? On that beautiful, sunny afternoon, I glanced in my rear view mirror. “Well, go around me,” I...
Lovely Daughter [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last] I wanted to be Mrs. Brown’s, Lovely Daughter. I cannot believe that girl broke...
Is it Spring Yet? Burnt Dam Hotel “ROW LOW,” she said to my mother. “ROW LOW,” she said again. My mother just stared at...
Let it Snow Millie Noe’s agent. Millie Noe’s book. And Millie Noe. “I have to say, I think that it...
A Staycation with Hunter “I found my passion,” said Giselle’s sister one day, as we floated around in the warm sun,...
Time to Run I learned almost everything I know about horses by watching, Mr. Ed. So, it is not really...
Leonard Tails – Five LEONARD 1989 – 1999 THE WORLD’S BEST WORST DOG SERIES – TAIL FIVE A day at the...
Is it Spring Yet? The Price is Wrong “Millie Noe, come on down.” Life is a game show. I prefer stories. And I don’t even...
Have a Little Faith in Me August 16th, 2015, 2:00 A.M. I was tired. I crawled into bed with previously unnoticed blisters on the...
Baseball Has Been Berra Good To Me Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night! My mother was eleven years old at the time. ...
Please Mr. Postman Look and see. Is there a letter? A letter for me? The following is a paraphrased email conversation,...
Message Pending I was twenty-three. I was pregnant. And I did not need to take Lamaze classes. “I don’t feel...
Did you say Shish Kabob? My eighteen year old eyes were just as wide as my eighteen year old mouth. I looked...
Ghosts Are People Too Prelude I do not like scary movies. Because they are scary. There is always the guy with the...
Millocrates Question: Why is there life? Millocrates: Life is nothing more than a record album. We all come out,...
BS Club Minutes May, 2015 BONJOUR MES AMIES! From le Club de BS. Le Club from hell. Le News Birthdays: [one_half] Une...
Copper Harbor U.S.A. “Uh-oh,” I said and dropped the bag of groceries. “Mom?” I thought she was right behind...
Thoughts for Fall The Imposter When I was in grade school, I loved math. Who didn’t like those multiplication flash cards? ...
Thoughts for Fall Time One minute we were hanging upside down from the monkey bars with pigtails and pixie cuts, singing, “It’s...
BS Club Minutes Avril, 2015 Welcomez to le fastest growezing clube en le worlde. Picturezed from le top to le bottom...
Sunny, Sunny Mexico “Is everybody ready?” she said. And then the instructor pressed a button on the radio. sitting...
Leonard Tails – Four LEONARD 1989 – 1999 THE WORLD’S BEST WORST DOG SERIES – TAIL THREE The Billy Goat I...
Millie is Cured Do you suffer from an acute, potty mouth? I did. And I don’t mean it was, A cute, as...
BS Club Minutes March, 2015 Welcome to Marche B.S. Madness Le top row, from le lefte to le right,:Ma Mere, Ma Soeur,...
Where is Hunter? Do your pets try to sabotage your vacations too? Do they see you packing your suitcase and...
Colonoscopy Day with Millie and Sven “You are a perfect asshole,” said the doctor as we stood in front of the screen, viewing...
Curling Ends With a Bang Last week was the finale of our Friday night mixed curling league. The club was full of excitement,...
The Death March, 2003 I like things that are shiny and new. Sven likes things that are dependable and old. It...
BS Club Minutes – February, 2015 BONJOUR Welcomez to le Club de B.S. I would like to dedicate this post to Patsy...
Liar, Liar, Purse on Fire I have an aunt named Susie Le Q. She sometimes thinks that I am her aunt....
Dysnavigatoria Clutchitis The inability to drive an automobile with a clutch. Para-reversaphobia Limited skills in moving a...
BS Club January, 2015 Minutes [one_half][/one_half][one_half_last][/one_half_last] Featuring from le left to le right et le top to le bottom: Ma Mere...
The Sylvania Trek [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last] Do not let your significant other shop for glasses unchaperoned. [/one_half_last] The year...
Thoughts for Fall Something in the Way He Moves…His Face He was five. He had freckles and he liked to climb trees. I was five. I didn’t...
Winter Makes You Wonder Millieda Marcos It looks like it’s already starting in this photograph. See how Louisa peers into the camera, but I...
BS Club Minutes – December 2014 BONJOUR Club de BS Minutes – Decembre, 2014. En Attendez, from le left to le right et...
The Christmas Crock-Pot After Black Friday, it is time for Millie Noe to go shopping. And she does, with gusto...
Leonard Tails – Three LEONARD 1989 – 1999 THE WORLD’S BEST WORST DOG SERIES – TAIL THREE The Jehovah’s Witnesses Once...
BS Club Minutes Novembre 2014 [one_third][/one_third][one_third][/one_third] BONJOUR. HELLO. HI. WELCOME.
SVEN THE ALMIGHTY HUNTER Sven has a Thanksgiving story he would like to share. It’s a story that I have heard many, many, times,...
Thoughts for Fall Office Safety 101 Congratulations ‘Future Brown Noser’ on completing ‘Basic Office Safety’. The new kid with peach fuzz has this...
The Short Life of a Gimp Artist Thursday was GIMP DAY. When I was a kid our house was just like ‘The Cleavers’...
Invasion of the Mushrooms Unless a flying saucer falls out of the sky and crashes on the ground right in...
BS Club Minutes Octobre, 2014 Pense twice before enterezing Et don’t forget to wipez les feetes. BS CLUB ATTENDEZ Ma Mere, Ma...
Leonard Tails – Two LEONARD 1989 – 1999 THE WORLD’S BEST WORST DOG SERIES – TAIL TWO Puppy Kindergarten That first...
Leonard Tails – One LEONARD 1989 – 1999 THE WORLD’S BEST WORST DOG The Beginning He was sound asleep. That’s...
Short Stories Queens for a Weekend Chapter I The day I made reservations at Le Sofitel, I had no idea I would be making them...
Is it Spring Yet? Nobody Ever Asks That Question Remember back one day, long ago, when you were just a twenty-three year old girl and you were...
BS Club Minutes September 17, 2014 WARNING These People think they are French when they drink. BS Business I deliverezed les orders...
The Coffee Cup Garden What is a coffee cup garden? 1) Is it a beautiful place where you sit on a bench surrounded...
BS Club Minutes September 3, 2014 WARNING: DUE TO SOME DU LA CONTENTE ENSIDE CE POSTE, NO ENTREE VOUS UNLESS VOUS ES EIGHTEEN...
Short Stories A Massage is a Massage is a Massage I have no sense of direction. As in none. So, it was not a surprise to...
BS Club Minutes August 20, 2014 Le Club meets at Chez Delle por Opening Jour. More excitemente than opening jour du les Troutes. Picturezed...
BS Club Minutes August 6, 2014 Read at your own risk. BS Conversations Shirlee – Bunny: Once I snugglezed les nuts du...
BS Club Minutes July 30, 2014 This club is not for pussies. BS Conversationnes Giselle: Louisa, I had une dreamez that...
The Trouble with Summer The trouble with summer is that floating with friends is not conducive to gardening and it seems that...
Thoughts for Fall Sherrie The first time I ever saw her was more than twenty years ago. I didn’t like her. I didn’t...
BS Club Minutes June 26, 2014 Warning! Danger! Warning! Danger! Keep OUT! Scary shit in here. BS Business I gavez ma...
BS Club Minutes June 18, 2014 Warning..this will be five minutes you can never get back. BS Conversationnes In order to protect les confidentialities...
BS Club Minutes June 11, 2014 Written in code to protect the guilty. BS Conversations Ma Soeur: Kaden came up behindez moi et...
Millie Makes a Splash Double Click on the link below to see Millie make good on her cold water challenge. Http://Youtu.be/IFzyqGcPWEg
It’s A Girl! That’s right folks, Millie and Sven’s Easy Girl has produced an offspring. “What?” “Oh, sorry. Millie...
BS Club Minutes June 4, 2014 Caution. Entrée at votre own risqué. Les Minutes When I walkezed en through le door, ma...
Yogi Bear and the Twister It was the third Wednesday of June. The year was 2004. The Place was Jellystone Park. It was...
Is it Spring Yet? Gardening Tips from Millie and Sven – Part II Memorial Weekend can be such a busy time, what with all the cookouts, parades and boat...
BS Club Minutes May 14, 2014 Officiale BS Business Ma Soeur: Millie, can vous drivez moi home? Moi: Oui. BS Topics and...
Gardening Tips from Millie and Sven Here we are already thinking of planting our gardens. I don’t know about you but my leaves are...
BS Minutes May 8, 2014 BS OFFIICIALE BUSINESS There was une officiale discussionne between Le Mere et Giselle as to which ecole...
BS Club Minutes April 23, 2014 Official BS Business It es le officiale celebrationne du les birthdays por ma souer et Giselle. Here...
BS Club Minutes April 9 & 16, 2014 Due to ma recente worldly travels, ce poste es le combinationne du le last deux meetings...
Is it Spring Yet? A Road Trip with Millie and Sven CHAPTER I It’s a shame that I did not write when I was...
BS Club Minutes March 26, 2014 I gotta clean. I gotta pack. I gotta pack. I gotta clean. Time is short and...
BS Club Minutes March 19, 2014 Where mauvais Francais flows like mauvais wine Officiale BS Business Le arrangementes have been made por le pickez...
BS Club Minutes March 12, 2014 Because not every club not needs a purpose Officiale BS Business Le Celebrationne du ma birthday :...
BS Club Minutes March 4, 2014 Le club avec la pizazze. Officiale BS Business Ma Soeur providezed moi avec le itinerary por...
Wham Bam Thank You Spam The other morning I about spit out my coffee. There were 61 comments waiting to be...
BS Club Minutes February 26, 2014 Le Club that just won’t go away BS Club Officiale Business I tried with out success...
The Yin & Yang of Millie & Sven Profanity shot out of my mouth for the first time at the age of eleven. It...
BS Club February 19, 2014 Le fastest growing club en les Etates Uni Mes apologies to all du mes amies. Ce...
BS Club Minutes February 12, 2014 UNE “SPECIALE” CLUB BS Business Nicolette (ma fille-en-law et Giselle’s fille) deliverezed les products por les beauties...
BS Club Minutes February 5, 2014 French Hell on Earth Officiale BS Business I droppezed off Le Mere’s recyclables that had been...
BS Club Minutes January 29, 2014 Featuring Le Mere: Le hostess avec le mostess OFFICIALE BS BUSINESS “What? Non officiale business? C’est domage. Okay...
Winter Makes You Wonder 40 BELOW AND HOLDING STEADY It is forty fucking degrees below zero for the one hundredth day in a row....
BS Club Minutes January 22, 2014 Pussies KEEP OUT – Rated X Officiale BS Business Apply une card de le Amazon gift ento...
BS Club January 15, 2014 It’s a bird, its’ a plane….no wait…. it’s Club de BS.. Officiale BS Business NO OFFICIALE...
BS Club Minutes January 8, 2014 Spill le wine…Dig that girl…….BS es back, 2014. BS OFFICIALE BUSINESS Taking down les decorationnes por...
Butt Sisters Coffee hut “So,” I said to Sven……….”Can we buy that lot in front of the grocery store and...
The Twin Fork Bridge The Twin Fork Bridge – Chapter 2 CHAPTER 2 Dan had explained to me at the same kitchen table...
BS Club Minutes December 18, 2013 Where shitz de les bullers meet once a week. Officiale BS Business Due to all de les Holidays une officiale...
A HOLIDAY SHOPPING FABLE Luckily the f-bomb technically is not a swear word, so technically, I didn’t swear. I was...
BS Club Minutes December 11, 2013 Welcome to Le Club de BS. Cool Chats only inside. Officiale BS Business NADA. BS Conversationnes Moi: ...
BS Club Minutes December 4, 2014 Le Club EVERYONE is talking about. Officiale BS Business Tres excitemente officiale BS Business!! Ma shipmente arrivez from...
It’s a Boring Life Have you ever noticed that life can be boring? You get up, you shower, you get dressed, you push...
The Twin Fork Bridge – Chapter 1 THE TWIN FORK BRIDGE CHAPTER 1 It started like any other day. My alarm hadn’t...
BS Club Minutes November 20, 2013 Welcome to le dark side Offiiciale BS Business Une officiale vote was taken por to...
Write Down This Date Sunday November 24, 2013 Hear Ye!!! Hear Ye!!! Everybody!!! Grab a pen or open your Smart...
I’d rather take a bullet than sit here with this dog. We live in the woods. It’s deer hunting season. He...
BS Club Minutes November 13, 2013 Warning! Proceed with CAUTION. It’s not right in there. Officiale BS Business Le officiale business du jour...
Lies and Memoirs Lies & Memoirs of Gardiner’s Bakery (Chapter 7) 1976 – Misfit “Everyone who lives here is a misfit,” Charlie said. He was...
BS Club Minutes November 6, 2013 The Club that keeps the Voulez in the Vous. Officiale BS Business [one_half] Aurevoir Spider. [/one_half][one_half_last] Bonjour BS...
BS Club Minutes October 30, 2013 Welcome to Le Condo. Officiale BS Business I returnez le foil du tin that I borrowed...
BS Club Minutes October 23, 2013 Le Club that keeps on BS-ing. Officiale BS Business Les Holidays es approaching et when les...
Slimming down together, you and your pet. It occurred to me the other day that I do not make time to exercise. I mean...
BS Club Minutes October 16, 2013 LE CLUB THAT WILL LEAVE YOU SAYING, “WHAT LE?” [one_half] OFFICIALE BS BUSINESS Une officiale...
Decorating with Little Green Tomatoes Now that the growing season is over the question remains, what to do with all of...
Exicted once more – Day Seven I had a fine night of sleep, what with the new sheets and all. (See: I...
Day Six. I am almost as excited as I was yesterday! Day six has arrived. And do I have some stuff to tell you. Okay, so I get...
I’m excited – Day Five So, last night I woke up with a couple of awesome ideas that I wanted to write today. They...
BS Club Minutes October 9, 2013 Le Club where les cool chats hang….. Officiale BS Business: Une reminder: Birthday cards por Ki-Ki...
I am pretty gosh darn excited – Day Four It is day four of my vacation. It is an awesome, cool, dark and drizzly morning. It is the perfect...
I am pretty excited! Day Three. Here it is, my third day of vacation! I am pretty darn excited, what with having this week...
Thoughts for Fall I am so excited! I am so excited. I have the whole week off work, the entire week all to...
BS Club Minutes October 2, 2013 BS Club – Strictly for French drinking idiots. Officiale BS Business: Ma Mere sounded une warning...
BS Club Minutes September 25, 2013 WARNING! DON’T GO BEYOND THIS POINT. WARNING! DON’T GO BEYOND THIS POINT. BS Officiale Business Moi: ...
BS Club Minutes September 18, 2013 Warning! This es le officiale entrance to Purgatory. Date: Septembre 18. 2013 (Ma fille’s birthday!!!) Temps:...
BS Club Minutes September 11, 2013 BS en Francais Date: Septembre 11, 2013 Les Temps: 84 degrees Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez:...
Thoughts for Fall The Millie & Sven School of Dog Whispering Training your dog, Mille & Sven style. HOW TO STOP THE BEGGING Give him whatever he wants,...
BS Club August 28, 2013 For your own good…………keep out. Date: Wednesday August 28, 2013 Temps: 83 degrees Meeting Place: Le...
BS Club Minutes August 22, 2013 DANGER. WARNING. STOP. Date: Thursday August 22, 2013 Temps: 78 degrees Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez:...
BS Club Minutes August 15, 2013 Mais Day! Francais Shit de la Bull beyond ce point. Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le...
BS Club Minutes August 7, 2013 Another Exciting Chapter about NOTHING. Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo Les Temps: 77...
BS Club Minutes July 30, 2013 Keep Out: Unless you can take a lotta shit. Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le...
BS Club Minutes July 23, 2013 You’re gonna wanna make a drink before reading this. Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo...
Johnson Toast Private Eye – Chapter 3 CHAPTER THREE – SLICE OF Johnson Toast scanned the Sky Mall Magazine. He could find nothing of...
BS Club Minutes by Boat, July 16,2013 Warning, BS stands for BS. First of all I would like to extend mes apologies to...
BS Club June 26, 2013 Le Club no one wants to join. Date: Wednesday: June 26, 2013 Temps: I’m no meteorologist but...
BS Club June 19, 2013 Do not open your eyes until you are done reading this post. Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere...
BS Club Minutes June 12, 2013 Attentionne! Delusional mademoiselles within. Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo Les Temps: Attendez: Ma...
BS Club Minutes June 5, 2013 Caution! Illegal business beyond ce pointe. Vous will be guilty by associationne if vous continue to read....
Johnson Toast Private Eye – Chapter 2 Chapter 2 – Shit on a Shingle “Dustin! Dane! Sombeody! Answer that door.” Laney shouted from the...
BS Club Minutes May 29, 2013 [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last] Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo Les Temps: 80...
BS Club Minutes May 22, 2013 [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last] Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo Les Temps: 70 degrees and a nice...
BS Club Minutes May 15, 2013 [one_half][/one_half][one_half_last] Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo Les Temps: 79 degrees Attendez: Ma mere,...
Johnson Toast, Private Eye Johnson Toast, Private Eye-Chapter 1 He’s tall. He’s dark. He’s Johnson Toast, Private Eye. Johnson Toast has been lurking around for more than...
BS Club minutes May 8, 2013 [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last] Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo Les Temps: 78 degrees...
Must be Strong – Chapter 2 The question remains. Did Sven ever meet face to face with his only Facebook friend and his...
BS Club Minutes…May Day! May Day! Dare to survive les adventures de Millie et Friends at Le Club de BS. Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere...
BS Club Minutes April 24th, 2013 Keep out unless you like to be tortured with nonsense that is told in a secret language to...
YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR The only credentials this Mole Exterminator Guy has is a Rabies Tag. As far as I know...
BS Club Minutes April 17, 2013 Attention! Warning! Entrée vous at votre own riske! Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo...
BS Club Minutes April 10, 2013 Warning! Warning! Restricted Area! This shit is not por les feebles. Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere...
Lies and Memoirs Lies and Memoirs of Gardiner’s Bakery (Chapter 6) 2010 – Making the Rounds After lunch when I stepped out of the K-Bar Café and into...
BS Club Minutes April 3, 2013 Beware: There is nothing but complete disregard for a lot of things on a lot of levels...
THE BALLS OF GROUPON Me: I can not believe Groupon’s balls. Sven: Who’s Groopon? Me: It’s not who, it’s what....
BS Club Minutes March 27, 2013 This area is strictly restricted por les misfits who like to believe that they can read en Francais. Meeting...
BS Club Minutes March 20, 2013 Warning, it is advised to think twice before entering Le Club de BS. Date: Le first jour de...
BS Club Minutes March 13, 2013 Warning: Language and Cocktail abuse within this post. Date: 3/13/13 Ma Birthday!!!! Temps: 33 Meeting Place:...
BS Club Minutes March 6, 2013 If vous do not like les French Accents avec les French slurs, aurevoir. Attentione, attentione, I would like to...
BS Club Minutes February 27, 2013 Keep out if you do not like likeable women who do not understand that cocktails do...
BS Club Minutes February 20, 2013 No Entrée Vous if vous do not care por le carefree use du Francais et le...
BS Club Minutes Februrary 13, 2013 Do Not Enter unless you like annoying, hilarious, crap written in an annoyingly, hilarious, fashion. And...
Lies and Memoirs of Gardiner’s Bakery (Chapter 5) 1976 – Sissy Sissy was on some sort of a pilgrimage that summer. She was...
BS Club Minutes February 5, 2013 If you do not tolerate cocktails et nonsense – keep out s’il vous plait.
BS Club Minutes January 31, 2013 No entree vous unless you like hick stories told ala Hillbillee Francais. Date: Wednesday: January 31,...
Must Be Strong Sven received an email from an old Coast Guard buddy about a month ago and ever since...
BS Club Minutes January 23, 2013 Warning: Keep out unless you like silly shit written in a silly way due to...
BS Club Minutes January 16, 2013 Date: Wednesday: January 17, 2013 Temps: 32 degrees Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma mere, Ma...
Lies and Memoirs Lies and Memoirs of Gardiner’s Bakery (Chapter 4) 2010 – Livingston Mom and I didn’t have far to drive that Sunday morning but a...
BS Club Minutes January 10, 2013 Do not enter if you do not appreciate nonsense brought on by les cocktails. Date: Wednesday: January...
The Accidental Skier “Ouch. Jeez. What the?” These were the words that came out of Marty’s mouth after...
BS Club Minutes, January 3, 2013 Do Not Entree if you do not care for Bullshit written in Francais. Temps: 20 degrees...
Lies and Memoirs of Gardiner’s Bakery (Chapter 3) 2010 – Billings Mma Grace Makutsi had the two of us in tears. She’s one...
BS Club Minutes, Decembre 19, 2012 KEEP OUT: Unless you like to be shocked with horrifyingly boring stories told in a horrifying...
Winter Makes You Wonder Dead Mice Don’t Poop – A Christmas Story The spiders sat with fine hairy legs splayed in all directions. Some hung in the web. ...
Lies and Memoirs of Gardiner’s Bakery (Chapter 2) 2010 – The Detour “The L is silent, like in fish,” my mother was saying....
BS Club Minutes Wednesday Decembre 12, 2012 Warning, Warning….Do Not Enter if you are a language Snob.
The Story of Betty and Marlene [one_half_last][/one_half_last]I have been friends with Giselle for more than fifteen years. About eight years ago she began...
BS Club Minutes December 5, 2012 Warning: No Entrees Vous s’il vous plait if you do not care for le crappee use...
BS Club Minutes BS CLUB Minutes – November 28, 2012 WARNING: NO ENTRÉE IF YOU DON’T LIKE NONSENSE OR TERRIBLE FRANCAIS Date: Wednesday Novembre 28th –...
Lies and Memoirs Lies and Memoirs of Gardiner’s Bakery (Chapter 1) 1976 – Rose Colored Glasses There are three things in life that scare the crap...
BS Club Minutes BS Club Minutes – Nov. 20, 2012 Date: Tuesday Novembre 20, 2012 Quel Temps et’ il? Une belle jour, chaud et 59 degrees...
Thoughts for Fall The Case of the missing Coconut Earring I lost one of my favorite earrings. It’s the partner to this one and I like...
Thoughts for Fall Opening Day It’s the first morning of hunting season and I usually wake up to the sound of...
BS Club Minutes BS Club Minutes – Nov 14, 2012 If you do not care for meaningless topics or crappy French accents then no entrée vous....
New Bear Scent – Just In An acorn, hanging by a thread, let loose and fell swiftly to the ground, where it...
Thoughts for Fall Hunter Moves In Sven and I share a love hate relationship with dogs. We can’t live with them and...
Thoughts for Fall A Few More Years Sven: Did you just take a picture of the counter? Me: Ah….yeah. Sven: Why would you...
BS Club Minutes BS Club Minutes – Nov 7, 2012 Les Minutes de Club du BS WARNING: DO NOT ENTER IF YOU DO NOT CARE FOR...
BS Club Minutes BS Club Minutes – Oct 31, 2012 Les Minutes de Club du BS Pardonnez moi pour la poor use de language de Francais. ...
BS Club Minutes BS Club Minutes – Oct 24, 2012 BS Club Minutes Please excuse any broken French that appears in les minutes du BS. I...
Thoughts for Fall Yellow Glove Season It is yellow glove season already. It’s here and I am not prepared. I don’t even...
Thoughts for Fall The Brighter Side of Death Even as a figment of an imagination I am the first to admit that death terrifies...
