The Passive Aggressive War


Millie was talking about their chaos filled lives that followed the loss of their beloved King of the jungle, Hunter Bunter, the world's loudest barker. Shortly after his departure a couple of ill-mannered beavers moved into his stinky old pond.
This was three months ago.

“Sven, will it be easier for us to take apart their handy work once they dam up our whole fence?”
“No,” he answered.
"This is so exciting."

She was right.
It has been an exciting summer.
He was right.
It was not easier.

Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver have worked continually to dam up their culvert, to turn their trees into cartoons before toppling them over and stuffing branches under their pier for a winter food supply, while Millie and Sven have worked to undam their culvert, protect their trees from turning into cartoons before toppling over and to keep their pier from floating away.
How are things going?

Well, the fence that Millie and Sven ran across the culvert end of the pond a couple months ago is now a mud dam of vast proportions. The culvert under their driveway lets no more than a trickle of water run through it. And their pier, the one that they had so proudly reclaimed earlier this summer, is once again floating away.
Here is how it went down.
During the eye of the hurricane, while Millie and Sven lived a carefree life of boating, campfires, partying and such, the Cleavers spent their waking hours filling in that whole fence that had been installed all along the culvert side of the pond with mud and sticks and scum, from the bottom up, slowly and methodically, stopping the flow of water little, by little, by little.
When Millie and Sven finally noticed the water level had begun to rise, they merely shrugged their shoulders.
"How bad can it be?" they said.
They had all kinds of plans anyway.
"Go for it," they hollered out their windows as they drove by on their way to catch a pontoon ride.
And then one morning while the Cleavers were sleeping in despite all the sunshine, Millie and Sven crept down their driveway with heavy artillery and they blasted that mud packed fence from up there on their driveway and they annihilated all their neighbor's hard work.
"This is my new favorite sport," said Millie with mud speckled sunglasses and teeth, looking like she had gone bah-ha-ing in a four-wheeler.
Sven turned off the power washer and they rolled up the hose.
After clearly having won the battle, they celebrated by carrying on with their summer ways.
Not long after said destruction, Mr. Cleaver decided that he preferred the taste of a poplar tree that was right in Millie and Sven's front yard. He could topple it across the driveway for easy access. He started in on his project while Millie and Sven slept in the dark and then went home to tell the Missus all about his newfound treasure before the sun came up.
Millie woke to Sven in a rage.
"Look what that bastard did!" he hollered up the stairs.
But she had a plan.
They placed fencing around all the poplar and birch trees in their yard and they installed a trail camera to watch their enemies in the night.
Boy, Mr. Cleaver was pissed as hell when he returned to find all his delicious finds wrapped in metal.
Millie and Sven howled at their beaver movies.
Beavers do not care to be laughed at. They are oversized and very sensitive rodents on account of their buck teeth.
That is probably what spurred on the extra tight mud packing along the fence line that had been protecting the culvert under the driveway.
Water began to rise once again.
Millie ordered waders. She and Sven made plans to invade the pond with boots in the mud, as soon as her fly fishing outfit arrived.
The package was lost.
Amazon apologized.
Click this button to confirm a refund it said.
"Son of a Bitch," said Millie.
And then, a driver pulled in, dropped off a package on their front porch and sped away.
Full of confidence and looking dapper, the two worked their way into the very pond they had always tried to stay out of.
Unfortunately, the delay had given the Cleavers a time and mud advantage.
Millie and Sven did their best to blast the culvert free from down there in the pond.
Each step through the water with a base made of quicksand made the going quite difficult at best and they spent most of their time trying to pry their feet loose from under the muck and then get their tootsies back inside their boots.
To make matters worse, they could not exactly locate the culvert.
"It's too thick in here said Sven. Let's try blasting from the other side."
They climbed over to the creek side of the driveway and shot the power washer right smack into the tunnel.
That is why the water flow it is now down to not much more than a trickle.
And that is why the water continues to rise while the Cleavers sit inside their den watching their trail camera Millie and Sven movies, and howl.
Do not be so fast to throw in the towel.
Stop talking about .22s and trappers and pelts.



"Eventually we will win this passive aggressive war. All we need now is a backhoe and a new diverter fence. How hard can it be? It is all good here in the black hole just outside Harmony Grove," said Millie.


And then she slammed her glass of wine.

For more Millie and Sven beaver adventure stories click above on The Cleaver Family.

Send Millie a Message!

Inspired by the blog, a story, or an artwork? Don't hesitate to contact Millie to discuss a writing or creative work or just to have an enthusiastic conversation about the world!

Get in touch

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.