My sister who lives in Georgia sent me an email last week that said, "My friend gave me a couple of tomato plants the other day, so I stuck them in the ground."
"Pray for them."
How ironic is that? She didn't even know that I was a gardening expert and that I have many helpful hints on my website for the beginning gardener. Man did she strike gold.
But that's when it hit me that with all the gardening tips that I have been passing out like hors d'oeuvres lately, I can't believe I never thought of the most obvious one.
A good old fashioned prayer.
And why not? Pro Football players and golfers are always saying things like, "I'm so lucky. Along with all of my hard training, I pray to the good lord and he watches over me." Or, "I am blessed to be able to carry the Lord's word along with this football tucked under my arm." Think about it. You see those guys doing the sign of the cross on your TV all the damn time. And Baseball players are the worst. They wear crosses made of pure gold out there on the field.
I used to think, "How asinine you are? Do you actually think God cares about your stupid game? Don't you know that the Green Bay Packers, Steve Stricker and the Milwaukee Brewers are his favorites anyway? And don't you think God has more important shit than the NFL, the PGA or the NBA to worry about?"
I often wonder how much it offends people who actually believe in God when they see all this shit. I'm not saying that I do or I don't believe in God, but if I did believe in God, I think I would save the big stuff for Him and just throw a little Miracle Grow on my tomato plants.
And if I were to pray, Ithink I would ask God to ask all those people in the Middle East to just fucking get along.
But maybe that's too difficult and too annoying even for the Almighty. And maybe he would prefer to assist Aaron Rodgers in throwing a perfect Hail Mary pass into the arms of Jordy Nelson on a Sunday afternoon.
So, if that's the case, that He doesn't mind helping out with the little stuff, perhaps He or maybe his Son, wouldn't mind keeping an eye on my little garden. And if they are too busy, understandably, maybe a guardian angel could take a turn.
Like Danny always says, "How hard could it be?"
It does make me wonder though. If praying actually works, what's with all the steroids?