BS Club August 28, 2013

Voulez Vous club de BS

For your own good............keep out.

Date: Wednesday August 28, 2013 Temps: 83 degrees Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur, Mon Amie Claudette, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Hors d'oeuvres: Croissantes et fresh legumes et dip du Francais Onion Official BS Business:  Splitting up all de les peppers from la jardine du mon cousin. peppers BS Topics et conversations: Ma mere said, "Es Giselle coming to le club ce soir?"  I said, "Mais non.  She es too excitement about her neuvaux petite enfante."  Ma soeur said, "I just got une message de la text from Giselle.  Oh look. Here is une picture de le baby."  We all looked at le picture.  "Mais oui, she es tres beautiful."  Then, ma mere told le story de le reunionne de la famille.  "Non, she never said a word about le message on my machine de la answering."  Claudette said, "What message?"  I said, "It was une de those awkward situationnes where une cousin left une message et said that her daughter et her daughter's husband would like por to come et to stay at le condo por their anniversary."  Claudette said, "Ici? At this condo?"  I said, "Oui, like le condo es une resorte."  Claudette said, "That es tres strange."  Ma mere said, "Awkward."  I said, "Ma Mere, did vous see Taunte Muglette?"  Ma mere said, "Non, le deux peoples that I wanted to see le most could not make it to la reunionne.  Taunte Muglette had une case de le vertigo et Uncle Babeleau's healthe es not le best por to travel."  Ma soeur said, "Oh, c'est domage."  Ma mere said, "Oui.  Oh, that reminds moi.  Millie, look what es en le freezer from votre Taunte Victoria. I looked en le freezer et I said, "Porquo?  I said she could keep it."  Ma mere said, "Well, she had no one to share it avec et she would not drink that all by herself."  Claudette said, "Porquoi es she so fussy about what she drinks alone?"  Ma mere said, "I don't think she drinks anything alone." My german friends Immediatemente I sent le above picture to Giselle.  Immediatemente she sent  une text back, 'I like votre deux amies de les Germans.'  Ma soeur said, "Millie, may I have une shot de la jager, s'il vous plait?"  Et I said, "Mais non.  Je suis tres sorry, mais je suis es running low." Et then we laughed le kind de les laughs that only les sisters can share, parce que les same types de les things strike our bones that es funny. Then ma mere said, "Claudette how was votre trip to Californication por to see votre fil et votre petite enfante?"  Claudette said, "It was tres bon.  Ma petite enfante es tres cute.  She es walking et parlezying. There was une soiree every jour on le vacationne por all de les birthdays le last week. Mon fil's en-laws were gracious hosts, mais I got into en peur trouble por making amies avec le staff en le mansion."  I said, "What? Vous can not be amies avec le staff?"  Claudette said, "Non.  Apparently les peoples that are tres riche et have les staffs, do not wish por le companies to have les conversationnes avec le staff."  Ma mere said, "That es not right."  Claudette said, "I like le help.  They are like moi.  Sometimes I wished I could have hung out avec those peoples en le kitchen, mais I behaved so mon fil would not be disappointed avec ma behaviour."  I said, "Vous behaved?" She said, "Por le most part."  Ma soeur said, "What did vous do while vous were there?"  Claudette said, "We went to beaucoup places.  Out por les dinners et to la zoo.  Mais, it was terrible driving around avec ma husbande.  He es not le best driver en les conditionnes out en Californication.  Siri was yelling at him all de le damn time por to get en another lane or to turn ici or over there."  I said, "Did she keep on saying 'calculating, recalculating, take a right and le next right, all de la time in that voice that es tres judgemental?  I remembre when we were visiting Ki-Ki et mon frère-en-law en Georgia.  We left le mason por to drive back home, mais we turned around after a few blocks parce que Sven realized that he forgot his shoes de les tennies.  That woman enside le Garmin was yelling at us, et if she could swear I pense she would have been using les profanities.  I kept yelling back at her saying, we are going por to get les shoes, vous idiote.  Ferme la bushe!"  Ma soeur said, "Porquoi didn't vous turn her off?"  I said, "I didn't know how to." Et then ma soeur told about her dilemma that es up et coming. "Vous see, le next week when l'ecole commences, I will be working en une differente positionne.  Le personne who es going to drive le truck et do ma old job has never been trained on ma old job.  I have never been trained por ma neuvaux job.  None of us have been trained por to do les neuvaux jobs. Everyone es en une neuvaux positionne. There es non one por to train anybody.  Ma visor de la super said por us to suck it up."  Le Club de BS membres gasped en amazement.  "Oui, it es true," said ma soeur.  "I have never even seen le job that I am en charge of, es she does not care. She said she had une year that was terrible le last year et we will survive."  I said, "Well, what about les children that are coming por les breakfastes et les lunches?  I hope they survive."  Ma soeur said, "E-x-a-c-t-l-y. Moi too."  Ma mere said, "Claudette, do vous have any neuvaux prospects por une job?" Claudette said, "I have une interview at une clinique en le grand city on Friday at 3:45.  Wait. That es not right, that es le address, 345 W. Wash.  I don't remembre le heur, mais that es le jour."  Them ma mere turned into Gladys Kravitz when she saw some peoples out de la window.  "Oh," she said, "There es le neuvaux neighbor. A couple bought le upstairs condo et they will be moving en le next week."  We all looked out la window. Claudette said, "I know that monsieur.  He es une jockey de les discs." Et then por some reason le next thing I remembre, we were trying to recall who en le heck sang CHANTILLY LACE.  We threw out les nommers like Chucke le Berry.  Ma mere said, "Non it was not Chuck le Berry."  I said, "Richard that is petite." She said, "Non."  Ma soeur said, "Millie, look it up on votre phone du cell."  (Can I just say that sometimes I hate those phones du cells?)  Mais then, all de la sudden, it came to moi et I yelled out, "Jerry le Lee Lewis!"
Them Maxwelle Smarte  brought up his cube et took une bow et pozed por a few photographes.
max & cube
Et then Maxwelle Smarte  decided that he should receive les treats por performing his trick.
max & treats
Et then Maxwelle Smarte  decided that it was time por le Shake du Jour
Max & shake Bartender du jour:  Ma Mere Numbre du jour:  UNE  (For le love de mon Dieu!) Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed. 1st Shaker: Ma Soeur……………resulte…………Une.  2nd Shaker: Claudette…………resulte…….NADA.  3rd Shaker: Ma mere………..resulte……..Trois. 4th Shaker: Moi………….resulte……….Deux. "Ma Mere.  Porquoi did vous shake an une?  Nobody can win when vous shake an une."
Join us ce next week s'il vous plait.  Vous don't want to miss spying on les neuvaux neighors.

Is it just moi or is Maxwelle Smarte un peur bossy these jours?


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