BS Club Minutes April 24th, 2013

Keep out unless you like to be tortured with nonsense that is told in a secret language to protect the guilty.
Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo Les Temps: 50 degrees Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur, Mes Amie Giselle et Claudette, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Refreshmentes:  Petite Sandwiches avec la meat du les crabs et dip avec les spinache et les pieces du la bread por la dipping.
Official BS Business: 
Les mademoiselles avec les birthdays ce week opened piles et piles de les gifts et ma soeur thought she could read les cardes without les glasses, mais non, she was mistaken. 

This is not JOAN RIVERS.

Joan Rivers
Mon amie, Giselle's mauvais attitude brought on by une stupide driver vanished upon ce presente.
Giselle's welcom

Et then.............le final finale..............La Dream Presente!

dream present   BS Topics et conversations: Ma soeur began, "Mon fil worked out to build up les muscles avec les Marines."  Ma mere said, "Oh mon dieu!  Is mon petit enfant okay?"  Ma soeur said, "Oui, his cookies were tossed, mais he is fine."  I said, "Would les marines let moi come there et work out too?   Je pense that five minutes would be enough time por moi to regurgitatemente, et vous know, we are just a few cases du la flu away from our target weights. Et one can not always count on getting la flu at le appropriate time so as to be able to squeeze into les fancy dresses por les occasions du specialities."  Ma soeur said, "Well yesterday por ma birthday, Pierre said he would take moi anywhere I wanted to go et we could ride en mon neuvaux automobile."  "Oh," said Le Club de BS membres. "Where did vous go? What did vous eat?"  "I had la flu et I didn't feel like going anywhere."   "Mais non! C'est domage."  "Oui, c'est domage," said ma soeur.   "I didn't want to tell Pierre, parce que he was being such une perfecte husband. So I went out anyway."  Ma mere said, "So where did vous go?"  Ma soeur said, "First we went to Lady Kady's, et then we went to La Sunrise ou we lost les monies en une de those machines avec les buttons to push, et then we went to our most favourite restaurante on la lake." "Do vous mean, Phitz's?"  "Oui.  Et I ordered le chicken du broasted." I said, "What? Non steak?  Non shrimp ala les coconuts?  Non lobsters?"  "Mais non.  I didn't even feel like eating." The BS Club said, "Oh c'est tragique."  Then Giselle piped up.  "I can not stop all de les eatings.  I have been taking la Prednisone por nine weeks to fix mon asthma et mon infection en les lunges et I never had une problem until now that I am all done avec la Prednisone.  Now je suis hungry, starving et famished all de la damn jour et all de la damn soire.  Even if mon stomache hurts from too much de les foods, I can not stop la chewing.  Now je suis eight pounds heavier et je suis still eating! Et je suis talking tres vite et je suis snapping at everybody. Mon husbande says I have been tres snappy. Mais je suis tres snappy parce que de les eight extra pounds."  I said, "Vous should parlez avec les marines." Et then we discussed our trip to Galena coming up on la weekend.  Giselle said, "I don't have le address to Bon Bon's parce que I lost mon notebook."  Ma soeur said, "Oh, I have it."  Giselle said, "Vous have mon notebook?"  Ma soeur said, "Non, I have le address to Bon Bon's."  Et then Giselle said that her husband printed off trois maps from le Google Quest du les maps por trois automobiles filled avec les mademoiselles et all de les directions to la resorte avec clipboards et pens por taking les notes.  Et he also has les directions por le reverse to make sure that we return to our masons."  Then Giselle said, "He even has les directions to get to P."  We said, "To pee?"  "Non, not to pee, to  P, as en le highway."  Then ma mere said that she took her old bowl du punch to le Shoppe du Resale parce que she has been moving it around et around et she never uses it anymore.  Et then I said that I wished she had her bowl du punch parce que I would like to borrow it.  Le next part is fuzzy et mes notes are scribbled, mais, I distinctly remembre hearing someone say, "Who's I?"  Et someone else said, "Um, me."  Et then I can't remembre who, mais somebody said, "Mon  grandpere had une grand square tete."  Et I said, "Do vous mean like le tete de Sponge Bob le square pantes?" Et then mon amie Claudette said that her daughter-en-law does not believe en le rule du five seconds por la food that falls on le floor, et we all gasped.  Et then mon amie Claudette told une story that Pastor Michael told at her pere's funeral just le last week.  Claudette began, "It was le soir that Pastor Michael came to pray avec mon pere at la home de la nursing et mon pere said to le Pastor, "Who are vous?"  Et le pastor said, "Je suis Pastor Micheal."  Et mon pere said, "What do vous want?"   Et Pastor Michael said, "I came to pray avec vous."  "Well," said Claudette, "Mon pere was eating jello at le momente et he really likes les jellos.  Mon pere could not make it all de la way to le end de Le Prayer du la Lord before that spoon full de la jello went back en his bushe."  Et then le Club de BS was sad por une momente as we realized that that was le last story about Claudette's pere en une long line de les stories about Claudette's pere.  We will miss him.

And then it was time por le Shake du Jour

birthday shake   Bartender du jour:  Ma Mere Numbre du jour:  4 Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed. 1st Shaker: Ma Mere…………resulte…………deux  fours. 2nd Shaker: Mon amie Claudette…………resulte…….trois fours.  3rd Shaker: Moi………..resulte……..une four. 4th Shaker: Mon amie Giselle………….resulte……….deux sixes. 5th Shaker: Ma Soeur............resulte.........une four.
Let's all hope et pray that Le Squad de les Geeks can fix mon computer.  If not Sven et moi will have to spend beaucoup time together et I will be snappy like Giselle just off la Prednisone et Sven will  be snappy at moi por being snappy at him et there might not be les minutes du next week's tres importante Club de BS!!  Mais, don't count les blessings yet, like Arnold, "I will be back."

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