BONJOUR
Welcomez to le Club de B.S.
I would like to dedicate this post to Patsy and Jean, two very special people, who will remain in our hearts forever.
WIKEPEDIA
Accordezing to le folklore, if it es cloudy when une hog du la grounde emergez from le burrow on le jour, then le spring will arrivez sooner than later; if le soleil es shinezing, le hog du la grounde will supposedly see le shadow et retreatez back into le burrow, et le winter weather will persistez por six more du les weeks.[1]
Our hog du la grounde predictezed that le spring will arrivez sooner than later.
Moi: Well, Sven said, "That es shit du la bulle. There es no way le guy did not see ce shadow, parce que le soleil was shinezing all du le matin."
Le Club: Hahahahahhaahahahahaha. Oh that Sven.
Ma Soeur: Et he bit le mayor en le ear!
Le Cub: Sven did?
Ma Soeur: No. Le hog du la grounde did.
TECHNICALE STUFF
Moi: Bonjour mes amies. Oh, Louisa! Did vous really winnez $900 du les dollars?
Bridgette-Luann: Oh, here we go.
Ma Soeur: Mais non. It was some kind du la thing on le book du la face. Votre fil postezed that he decidezed not por to wear les underwears any du la more, et I pickezed le message about winnezing les monies.
Le Mere: There was une message from Sandra Lee on ma mail du la voice. So I callezed her back. She said, "Genvieve, how do vous do la book du la face?"
Le Cub: Hhahahahahahahahahahaahaaha
Le Mere: I said to her, "Oh, Sandra Lee, juste sendez les photographes en le mail du la E."
Giselle: Bonjour mes amies. Oh, Louisa! Did vous really winnez $900 du les dollars?
Bridgette-Luann: Mon Dieu.
Ma Soeur: Mais non. Marques postezed that he decidezed not por to wear les underwears any du la more, et I pickezed le message about winnezing les monies.
Bridgette-Luann: Ma phone du cell fell en le toilette.
Le Cub: Oh, c'est domage.
Bridgette-Luann: Mais, it was okay apres I driezed it off. It workezed again.
Le Cub: Oh, that es bon.
Bridgette-Luann: Mais, then I droppezed it down all du les stairs at le Center du La Kohl. That killezed it.
Le Cub: Oh, c'est domage.
Bridgette-Luann: So, I purchasezed une usezed phone du cell from le list du Craig.
Le Cub: Oh, that es bon.
Bridgette-Luann: Mais, it would not connectez to le data.
Le Cub: Oh, c'est domage.
Bridgette-Luann: Mais then Rupert came over to ma place por to fixez it.
Le Club: Oh, that es bon.
Bridgette-Luann: Mais, he triezed por to updatez le ware du la softe por deux et une half du les heurs. Non could doez it.
Le Cub: Oh, c'est domage.
Bridgette-Luann: So, I tookez le usezed phone du cell to le Store du les Apples et they gavez moi une brande neuvaux phone du cell.
Le Club: Oh, that es bon.
Clementine: Bonjouur mes amies. Oh, Louisa! Did vous really winnez $900 du les dollars?
Bridgette-Luann: Seriously! Ma Soeur: Mais non. It was some kind du la thing on le book du la face. Millie's fil postezed that he decidezed not por to wear les underwears any du la more, et I pickezed le message about winnezing les monies. Clementine: Porquoi? Bridgette-Luann: Aaaahhhhh! Ma Soeur: Je ne sais pas. Je pense it had some du la thing to do avec le cancer du les breastes.
Nurse Claudette: We purchasezed une neuvaux computre.
Le Club: Oh. that es bon.
Nurse Claudette: I toldez mon fil that he must comez over to upload all du les viruses du les antis. I said, "Jeremiah, I will do le first half et vous can completez it."
Le Club: Completez what?
Nurse Claudette: Vous know, all du la technicale stuff.
Le Club: What technicale stuff?
Nurse Claudette: Vous know, les viruses du les antis et all do les things.
Le Club: Silence.
Nurse Claudette: I clickezed on une message that was on le computer that said I should providez ma number du ma telephone, en case there was ever une problem. Et, deux du les seconds apres I providezed ma numbre, ma phone rangezed. So, I turnezed off ma computer. There was some du la body leavezing une message. She was going on et on, sayezing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, et this es votre numbre du la code en case vous es havezing une problem."
Le Club: Silence.
Nurse Claudette: Well, I didn't meanez por them to callez moi right then et there. I pensezed that they would callez moi if I was havezing une problem. I wasn't havezing une problem. I yellezed to le machine du les answers, "Well, now I do havez une problem, parce que vous fuckezing callezed moi. I already hadez une code du la numbre et now I don't know which une es correctemente."
Le Club: Correctemente por what?
Nurse Claudette: Je ne sais pas.
Bridgette-Luann: Do vous always turnez off votre computre when votre telephone rangez?
Shirlee-Bunny: Bonjour mes amies.
Bridgette-Luann: Non! Ma mere did not winnez $900 du les dollares.
Shirlee-Bunny: I knowez that. That has been going aroundez on le book du la face por une while.
"I'm outta here."
RANDOM STORIES
Clementine: Le last week I pensezed that I was going por to die. I spunnezed around et around en ma car et all du les automobiles were comezing right at moi from le other way. Et then I slidezed off le rue et ento le ditche.
Ma Mere: Oh, mon Dieu. How did vous get out du la ditche?
Clementine: I puttez ma automobile en le gear that es low et I drovez right out out du there.
Shirlee-Bunny: What en le hell were vous doing out en le snow?
Clementine: I was on ma way por to see ma petite enfante.
Ma Soeur: Did vous still go por to see votre petite enfante?
Clementine: Non. Ma vehicle was facezing back le way that I was comezing from, so when I drovez out du la ditch I drovez right back to ma mason et I stayezed there.
Giselle: Le priest was une dick tete. Et mon idiote frere gave une eulogy apres le service.
Moi: It was not une eulogy. It was une autobiography.
Giselle: He went on et on et on et on.
Moi: About himself.
Giselle: It was ridiculousemente.
Moi: It was por fifteen du les minutes.
Giselle: Les bebes were getting antsy.
Moi: L'entire church was getting antsy.
Giselle: Ma niece pullezed le pacifier out du la bushe du le bebe.
Moi: She pullezed le plug.
Giselle: Le bebe commencezed avec les screams.
Moi: Le bebe was screamezing at le tops du les lungs.
Giselle: Et still mon idiote frere kept on avec le eulogy.
Moi: About himself.
Giselle: He would not arrestez.
Moi: Le bushe kept movezing, mais we could not hearez him.
Giselle: He kept on parlezing.
Moi: About himself.
Giselle: Et finally apres ma husband got les hives et his lip swellezed up, mon idiote frere, fermed le bushe.
Moi: Et Sven said, "Amen."
Le Club: Hahhahahahahahhaaaahaahaaha
Moi: That was le first time I have ever heard Sven say any du la thing en le churche.
FEBRAURY QUOTES
"I swearez, Roberte du Dylan had une illegitimate fil."
"Ma mere was une dancezer du la Hindu."
"There es une sign en le room du la reste that listez le ten rules du le confidentiality."
"This aint le storage all du Angelique."
"I hope le sign said por to washez les mains."
"I always providez les papieres du la toilette. I textezed mes room du les mates et said, I am leavezing vous all out to dry.
"Sven es juste like une adulte Linus."
"It was all bon, until we drankezed. Then we arguezed, just like we did when we were marriezed."
"I was en le Club du Glee."
"That guy was so last year."
"So, did vous coucher avec him?"
"Fifty shades du les lipsticks."
"Les kids buried her avec all du les diamonds. What une shame. I have seen so many du les jewels go straight ento le dirte."
"We rodez to le courte du la divorce together."
"It es une show du les deers out there."
" Considerezing, I couldn't get through, Le Club du le Joy Luck, I don't pensez that I will readez that book."
"Well, she es blinde on le une eye, mais every now et again, le other eye workez."
"No du la body can winnez $900 du les dollares from une scratch off. That es impossible."
"Is this what I havez por to look forwarde to?"
"It's like this here all du la time."
TIME POR LE SHAKE DU JOUR NEWS
RESULTES
LOSERS ALL AROUNDEZ
Non! Louisa won $900 du les dollares.