Do not enter if you do not appreciate nonsense brought on by les cocktails.
January 10, 2013
Ma mere, Ma Soeur, Mon Amie Giselle, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam
Refreshments du jour:
It is le January thaw. Les holidays are over et there are no soirees to plan or companies to prepare for. I had to break le news to les presentes BS Club Members that Claudette would not be joining us, parfait she has signed up for une classe in water aerobics on Wednesday evenings. She has momentarily chosen health et exercises over BS Club. This is tres shocking news to all en attendance, mais we know that le New Year brings on many a new resolution et strange behaviours.[/one_half_last]
A BS Conversation
I’m sorry I’m late. I was walking en circles at chez moi. I could not find mon purse. Then I found mon purse, mais, mon phone du cell was missing. Then I found mon phone du cell and when I got to mon car, I had no keys!
Well at least you are not exercising in le pool en lieu of BS Club.
Mais non. Finding mon keys was enough exercise por moi. Le good news du jour… I remembered to bring le tete de la moose once again.
That’s tres amazing!
Ma soeur did not know that saddle shoes were called saddle shoes parfait they looked like shoes avec saddles. “I never made le connection,” she said. Ma soeur then said that her pere in law flew home du jour, mais he forgot to take his favorite pair of pants. "They are still hanging in le closet." This broke out une discussion between us as to whether a person should still be able to wear corduroy pants. When did they go out of style and porquois? “I would wear mon if I could get mon ass in them.” [/one_half_last]We then pondered, whether or not saddle shoes will come back into style? We would all prefer clog style saddle shoes et corduroy pants to be on le fronte du la magazines de fashion. Ma soeur et moi never cared por les saddle shoes as children, mais we had to wear them. Giselle liked her saddle shoes, mais, she had wished she could have had the kind that her soeur had avec le real heels. Her heels sloped. I preferred le penny loafers. We all had le pixie haircuts as kids. Ma mere cut our hair herself. Ma soeur et moi wanted to have le long hair, mais, Giselle said she was happy avec her short hair, her saddle shoes et everything. She said that nothing pissed her off. Je pense that is why she is always pissed off now. She is making up for le lost time. Ma mere had une dream that ma soeur had tres short et tres curly locks. She said that ma soeur was tres cute in her dream. Giselle did not know that mon pere had tres golden curly locks when he was a kid et that he played le baby Jesus in le play de l'ecole. Mais his teacher asked him not to sing. Porquoi did mon pere have such une strange name? Kermit? Ma mere said it was parfait, he came into this world tres early et ma grande mere did not believe that he would survive et he had to be baptized immediatemente. Ma grand mere's soeur knew someone who was tres nice avec le name de Kermit. So, ma grand mere quickly named mon pere Kermit et he was baptized immediatemente. He was born on March le 19th
which is St. Joseph’s Day. That is why his middle name was Joseph. He was supposed to be une fille, born in May named Sharon. Mais instead he was un fil born in March named Kermit Joseph. Then I went to let les chats in from le screened in porche.
Après that we commenced discussing petite enfantes et disposable diapers et pains de labor, the way all madames do if they’ve ever had le pains de labor et they’ve had some liquor et le subject is mentioned. Giselle said she was never so excited as le time that her husband purchased une gigantic bag avec disposable diapers por vacation. Le Brand was TEDDY BEARS. She said that they were shitty and that was even before they were shat upon, mais, she still loved them parfait she could throw them away. Le telephone rang et mon frère in law said that his pere had landed safely in Vermont et so did his pere's suitcase. We cheered et we did not mention to him that his pere's favorite pair of pants are still here. Did you know that if you take une picture from above it alleviates les extra chins that can be acquired après a certainmente age? That is what we learned at BS Club. And le reason that people began to say “bless you” when someone sneezed was parfait they thought le person was coming down avec le plague et that he would surely die. And that if you tell une officer that your car swerved parfait you sneezed he cannot issue you une ticket. Ma mere wonders why le people on le television never have to charge les batteries por their phone du cells et they have service no matter where they are et she can never make une call from her condo. Then Ma mere said that when our famille used to all go to le church in le station wagon avec les doilies pinned in our hair, we were always le last car out of le parking lot parfait mon pere would wait for all of the others to go et they wouldn’t let him into le line. "Right apres church!" exclaimed ma mere. Ma soeur said she remembers that we were always le last car in le lot, mais, she never made le connection.
And then it was time por le Shake du Jour
But nobody came!!!!
Bartender du jour:
Numbre du jour:
Do whatever the hell you want, parfait, except por les chats, nobody remembered to do le shake du jour.
Not Moi…………resulte………….mon usual.
Don’t see anybody shaking……………resulte………….don’t see nothing.
I blame this tragique slip up on le tete de la moose.
Tune in next week and find out if ma soeur's pere in law's pants arrive before he realizes they are missing, if Claudette is still doing le rocking horse in le pool and if we will remember to do le shake du jour.