Spill le wine...Dig that girl.......BS es back, 2014.
BS OFFICIALE BUSINESS
Taking down les decorationnes por les holidays was postponed to ce weekend. "It can wait," were le exactemente words that came out de la bushe de ma mere, et nobody arguezed avec her.
BS CONVERSATIONNES
"I have tres grande news!" I yellezed. Rene got le job! Mon fil won't be poor anymore. It es wonderful. WONDERFUL! Drinks por everyone!"
Le Club: Wha Whoez!!
Ma Soeur: I have bon news! Mon pere-en-law's flight was not cancelezed. He es officially back home et mes holidays es officially over. Drinks por everyone!
Le Club: Wha Whoez!!
Et then we discussezd ma nephew. "He es already une third through avec his boot de le camp. He will make it to le graduationne. I know he will," Ma soeur said, "Mais he said en his letter that he has une minute, deux times each jour por to shave et cinq minutes por to eat all de les meals, et he has gained nine de les pounds en spite du that."
"Oh," said les membres, "He must be full de les muscles."
Moi: Es Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam back to le normal.
Le Club: What es wrong avec Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam?
Ma Mere: Yesterday Bridgette Luanne came por to help moi take les chats to le vet por les check ups, mais Morrie Amsterdam went et hid enside le room de la furnace et we could not get him out du there. So we took Maxwelle Smarte et left Morrie Amsterdam behind. It was le first time they were ever separated since le jour they were bornezed. When we came back from le vet Morrie Amsterdam started avec all kinds de les hissings et les growlings at Maxwelle Smarte. Je pense he could smellez le other animals from le Clinique on Maxie et he was tres pissezed about it, to say le least. I had to get out ma bottle de le waters por to spray him. I didn't know what to do. I thought they were going to get ento une grande fight, so I rubbezed le nip de les chats all over both du them, pensing that would make le smellez go away, mais non. Morrie kept right on avec les hissings all soir long. Then I woke up ce matin et they were next to each other on le sofa, so I thought, bon, Morrie es over all de la drama. Mais non. He commenced again avec les hissings. Poor Max, he doesn't know what he did to pissez off his soeur, I mean his frère.
Le Club: Hahahahahaha
Ma Mere: Well he es just like une fille. I should have nommered him Minnie.
Le Club: Minnie?
"Minnie et Maxie.........................................................
.............................................................PAD."
Clementine: Did vous know that les Millers purchasezed Seals?
Le Club: No. That es awesome.
Ma Soeur: What es they going to do avec seals?
Le Club: Louisa, she es parlezing about la restarante, Seals, not les real seals.
Ma Soeur: Ma mauvais. Je suis wonderezed what en le heck les Millers es going to do avec les seals. Go to le World de le Sea en Florida?
Clementine: Et le bon news es that they want moi, as en me, to work there on les weekends. I can quit ma other job de le part time et I won't have to travel all le way to le city.
Le Club: Yay Clementine! Drinks por everybody!
Et then Giselle told une story about her dream. "Mon amie from when I was une jeune fille, nommered Suzanne, asked moi to go to une luncheon avec her."
Ma Mere: I hate les luncheons.
Le Club: Hahahahahaha
Giselle: Well, Suzanne said that I must accompionmente her to le luncheon du Rachael. I had non choice, mais j'aime les luncheons anyway. So we got ento ma automobile. Le weather was tres horrible avec les storms de les snows. We drovez up et down all kinds de les hills et we took all kind de les curves en les rues. Then all de la sudden we got stuckezed en une bank du snow. So, we rockezed ma car back et forth et then I turnezed ma vehicle around. Suzanne said to moi, "Where es vous going Giselle? Le luncheon es that way". Et I said, "Suzanne, we es going that way, back to le bar."
Moi: Es that it?
Clementine: I have been plannezing une grande soiree that I will have por ma fille since she es going to have une bebe. It will be une luncheon de la tea et everyone will wear les chapeaus et les gloves.
Le Club was silente.
Clementine: Won't that be cool?
Le Club just starezed at her.
Clementine: What? J'adore les chapeaus et les gloves. I have une collectionne that I have been saving ma whole life just por this jour et everybody can borrowez mes stuffs.
Giselle: That es tres strangemente.
Clementine: Non it es not.
Moi: Where do vous keep votre collectionne?
Clementine: Enside le fishing lockere outside du ma apartemente.
Le Club: Vous have une fishing lockere?
Clementine: I livez on le lake vous know. Et ever since I was une ager de les teens I have been collecting les items. I used to take les coates de la furs, from les peoples who es mortes.
Ma mere gave her une ways de le side look et said, "Just so vous know, I don't have any coates de les furs."
Et then it was time por us to tell stories about le mademoiselle on le news.
Giselle: Ce matin she said,
"Yesterday at this time it was 35 degrees warmer than it is now, et today it is 14 degrees cooler."
Le Club scratchezed les tetes.
Moi: I was en le kitchen et Sven was watching le news en le room de la living le other soir, et she said, "
Over le next several jours we will receivez eight inches de la snow. Monday .5 de les inches, Tuesday 2.5 de les inches, Wednesday 1.5 de les inches et Thursday .5 de les inches. Sven yellezed out, "That's five inches de les snows vous idiote!"
Le Club: Hahahahahaha Don't mess avec Sven et les numbres.
Claudette: Ma mere telephonezed moi at ma neauvaux job just por to ask moi por to tell ma husbande to pickez up trois cans de le Pepsi de la free et to bring them to her.
Moi: Pepsi de la free? I always pickez that kind up by accidentemente.
Claudette: I asked her not to callez moi while I am at work unless it es une emergency. That es exactemente porquois I did not give her ma extensionne.
Moi: Vous know le loud parlezer who workez at le store de les groceries?
Le Club: Oui
Moi: Le other jour, I saw her putting les bags ento une truck en le lot de la parking et I thought, that must be her husbande behind le wheel. I must see le monsieur who es married to that mademoiselle who never arretez avec le parlezing, mais I could not see his face. There was une glare on le shield de la wind et he had une chapeau de le camoflauge on his tete. I was backing out tres slow et I kept trying to see his face, mais I could not et I had to arretez avec all de la staring before I hit une other automobile.
Claudette: Her husband workez at le Locker de les meats. Mais I don't know which une he es. Je pense he has les hairs that es brown.
Giselle: They all have les hairs that es brown.
Moi: I never go there.
Giselle: I go there por to purchase ma honey.
Moi: Do they slaughter les bees now?
Le Club: Hahahahahahaha
Claudette: Le Church wants to hook ma mere up avec une church buddy.
Giselle: What le heck es une church buddy?
Claudette: That es someone who pickez vous up por to take vous to church et who takes vous to les appointementes et things like that.
Giselle: Oh. Remindez moi, I don't want por to be une church buddy.
Claudette: Mais, do vous believe it? Ma mere said non!
Le Club: Porquoi?
Claudette: She es afraid that les peoples will pense she es une lesbianne.
Et then it was time for le Shake du Jour
Bartender du jour: Ma Mere
Numbre du jour: Six
Rules: Une dollar to play, cinq of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed.
1st Shaker: Ma Soeur……………resulte…………Deux.
2nd Shaker: Giselle…………resulte…….Deux.
3rd Shaker: Moi………..resulte……..Deux.
4th Shaker: Claudette………..resulte……..MAIS NON!! THAT ES IMPOSSIBLE. Claudette won le Shake du Jour???
Holy Moly, Mere de mon Dieu!
Could it be possible that we have une impostere en ce room? Une ringer, straight out du Vegas that es Las? Es les dices loaded?
Everybody relaxemente.
Apres further investigationne, it was noted that, le personne really et truly was Claudette, we could not pullez off une wig de la disguise. She swore that she has not been to Vegas that es Las poor years et years. Et non, après inspecting les dices avec un glass de la magnifiere, it was confirmezed that they were not loaded, just les shakers. Et according to le officiale rules de le BS Club, that es parfaitmentely legal.
.......
$74 (1/2 de la pot) en cold hard une dollar billes was counted out by les officiale BS counters de les monies et handed over to Claudette.
DO NOT tell anybody about this. It es her secrete stashe. Et do NOT notify le
I et le
R et le
S, s'il vous plait.
Et now I would like to say, see vous ce next week, et en le time de le mean, here es une song por to get stuck enside votre tete. We sang en all differente kindes de les harmonies at le Club du BS apres a couple de les membres confessed that they had been smoking les joints enside les latrines while leading Girl Scout Troop 666 straight ento le hood de les adultes!!
"They es something en mon pocket, it belongs across ma face. I keep et tres, tres close at les mains en le most convenientemente place. Je suis sure vous could not guess it if vous guess une long, long while. So, I will take it out et put it on, it's une grande, grande Brownie Smile......................."
