Keep Out: Unless you can take a lotta shit.
Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo
Les Temps: 78 degrees
Attendez: Ma mere, Ma Soeur, Mon Amie Giselle, Mon Amie Claudette, et
Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi.
Hors d’oeuvres: E-x-a-c-t-l-y le same spread as le last meeting.
Official BS Business: Business
anybody? Ma Mere? Louisa? Claudette? Any repondez from le personne du interest en joining Le Club de BS? Non? Okay, then back to la conversationne.
BS Topics et Conversationnes:
"WHAT???!!!" (That was moi)
I had just walked en le door, et sitting at le counter were ma mere, ma soeur, mon amie Claudette, et
Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam.
Ma mere said, "Millie, vous will be taking lots de les notes ce soir."
Et I said, "Porquoi? Et porquoi are vous ici so early Claudette?"
Et Claudette said, "Parce que I got fired."
Et that is when I said,
"WHAT???!!!"
Et then I said,
"OMD!! Sons de les bitches!!! What une grand pile de le Crappee!"
Claudette took une sip du her wine out de la plastique por safety purposes glass.
Et then I said, "Are vous okay Claudette?"
Et Claudette said, "Je ne sais pas. I don't know if I should laugh or cry."
Et then Giselle walked en le door.
"Bonjour," said Le Club du BS.
"Bonjour," said Giselle. "Sorry je suis late. Wow, vous are ici early, Claudette."
Et Claudette said, "Oui, I got fired."
Et Giselle said,
"WHAT???!!!"
Et then le whole thing commenced again.
Ma mere said, "Oui, Claudette was le first membre to show up et I said to her, did vous take le afternoon off? Et she said, non, I got fired."
Et then due to le lack de les membres abilities to handle les stressful situations avec la dignity et la grace, all de les membres laughed en les hysterics.
When things settled down, Claudette said, "Mais, bon news. I have une interview on le telephone por une neuvaux job demain. It es es por to be une nurse de les surgeries ou une nurse por la Clinique."
Ma soeur said, "Oh that es tres bon Claudette! Es votre interview en le matin ou le afternoon?"
Et Claudette said, "La mademoiselle asked moi if I would prefer le matin ou la afternoon, et I said, definitement, la afternoon."
Louisa said, "Porquoi? Don't vous pense vous will have une pleasant voice en le matin?"
Et then all de les membres gracefully went into les hysterics again.
When things settled down, Claudette said, "Non. I am sure that I will drink la whole bottle du wine ce soir."
Et then ma mere said, "Mais, Millie said that vous have companies coming ce soir."
Claudette said, "Oui. We have une reunionne de la famille on ce weekend. Ma husband's frère et famille es coming to town ce soir, mais they are going to stay at la Inn de La Quality."
Et that reminded Claudette de une une story from une long time ago when her fils were jeune children. They went on une vacationne to Colorado to visit her frère-en-law et famille. This es how her story began.
"It was back when mon frère-en-law was married to Lizette. Mais, la problem was that Lizette left mon frère-en-law le same jour that we arrivez to Colorado on la vacationne."
"What?" said Le Club de BS.
"Oui, Lizette decided to leave him mais she was waiting por moi at la gate de le property."
"What?" said le Club de BS.
"Oui, it es true. She was there to kidnap moi."
"What?" said le Club de BS.
"Mon husband said it was okay por moi to go. Et off we went to une wilde et crazy party full de les bikers. It was way up en les mountains. Lizette's neuvaux lover was up there waiting por us. I still don't know where we were. Mais we stayed at la party por trois jours et troi soirs, doing all kinds de les wilde et crazy things. I could not see straight. It must have been le altitude."
"Oh," said the le Club de BS Membres. "Oui, it must have been le altitude. Vous were high en les mountains."
Claudette continued. "We all slept on le ground mais we didn't even care."
Ma souer said, "Well that was une long time ago et le altitude must have been tres high parce que now vous must have une fan por to keep les noises away et votre favourite pillow stuffed between les knees to get to sleep."
Caudette said, "It was so high up there that I wasn't even afraid de les bikers."
I said, "That was high."
Claudette continued, "Apres trois jours et trois soirs, I decided I should call mon husband et check in. I found une boothe de la telephone et called. Mon husband said, "Get votre derriere back to ce mason vite.." So, we all went back to la mason, Lizette, her neuvaux lover et moi. Ma frère-en-law prepared une tres bon barbeque dinner por all de les familles et lovers. We ate la meal on le deck at la tableau de les picnics, et then we said aurevoir et drove away. Et then they got une divorce."
Giselle said, "Et that is who es coming ce soir?"
Claudette said, "It es mon frère-en-law et his
SECOND wife et les six children."
Ma Mere said, "Les six children? Mon Dieu."
Et I said, "Ma mere vous have six children."
Et she said, "Mon Dieu."
Then Giselle said, "Well, I have some tres excitemente news. I qualify to be en une study por les peoples avec les cases de le asthma that es severe."
"Oh," said le Club de BS Membres, "That es tres bon news. Vous must be so happy, Giselle."
Giselle said, "Je suis serious. Since I qualify to be en le study, they paid moi 115$ por ma appointemente du jour."
"Oh," said Claudette. "Maybe I could qualify. I could use les monies."
Giselle said, "Non. Vous don't even have le asthma. Et I have another appointemente ce next week."
Le Club de BS said, "Vous didn't make it por Wednesday did vous?"
Et Giselle said,
"NON, never on Wednesday."
Et then Claudette's phone du cell rang et she stepped out le door por better receptionne.
Et then ma mere said, "Giselle how is votre mere doing?"
Et Giselle said, "Oh, she es tres tres happy. She can drive her automobile again."
Et then Claudette came en le door, "That was le cook at le place de l'assisted living. She got fired too."
[one_half]"Non," said Le Club de BS said, "What le heck es going on there?"
Et then Claudette's phone du cell rang again et she looked at it et said, "Oh mon Dieu, it es ma mere."
Et ma mere said, "Vous should answer le phone if it es votre mere."
So then Claudette stepped out le door por better receptionne.
Et then ma soeur said, "Millie I like votre cut de les hairs."
Et I said, "Oh, merci. Vous don't pense it es too short?"
Et she said, "Non."
Et then Claudette came back en le door et said, "I need some more de ma wine. Ma mere wants moi to take her to out por la dinner ce soir."
I said, "Are vous going to?"
Claudette said, "I said, ma mere I am avec mes amies et I just got fired. Et she said, what time will vous be picking moi up?"
Louisa said, "What time will vous be picking her up?"
Et Claudette said,
"I'M NOT!"
[/one_half]
[one_half_last]
Et that es when Maxwelle Smarte turned into une statue.[/one_half_last]
Et then it was time por le Shake du Jour
Bartender du jour: Ma Mere
Numbre du jour: 6
Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming is allowed.
1st Shaker: Ma Soeur……………resulte…………deux.
2nd Shaker: Ma Mere…………resulte…….quatre. (Close, mais close only counts por les shoes de les horses et les grenades de les hands.)
3rd Shaker: Claudette……….resulte…….trois.
4th Shaker: Giselle............resulte....trois.
5th Shaker: Moi………..resulte……..trois.
Tune in ce next week to see if Claudette es still alive après telling her husband that she was fired et por not taking her mere out por la dinner.
