Warning! Proceed with CAUTION. It's not right in there.
Officiale BS Business
Le officiale business du jour es to make ma soeur look like ce picture on le left.
Ma mere said, "Okay, Le timer es set por les lights de les highs."
Did vous know that le BS
en le Club de BS
stands for S
alon de le B
eauty? Non? Well du jour, it does.
Mon amie Clementine told un other versionne de une story from le last meeting. It was how she chased her husbande de le X down por to parlez about une dancez at le receptionne por her fille. This es what Clementine said, "I followed him out le door parce que he did not answer moi. Et je n'aime pas por to be ignorezed." Le Club Membres burst ento les laughters. If vous know Clementine, vous know that Clementine does not care por to be ignorezed. Et then Clementine said, "He turnezed around and he said to moi , vous have already stirred le pot avec le kiss." "What?" Said les members en surprise. "Le kiss? Vous never mentioned une kiss." Clementine said, "Vous see, I kissed him aurevoir on le cheek at le grand meeting de all de les familles. Apparetemente that kiss made his amie de la fille all pissezed." "Oh," said les membres. Clementine went on, "Mais, I gave everyone en la room une hug ou une kiss aurevoir. What was I supposed to do, shakez le main de mon X?" Et then she said, "It all worked out. His amie de la fille was smoking en la closet et didn't even know that we dancezed at le receptionne. Et while we dancezed he hummezed en ma ear." "Oh," said les membres, that es tres sweet." Et then, le conversationne turned over to le grand news du jour, le threat de la bomb at l'ecole du high. There was un note written on ce mirror en le room de la rest de les boys. It said, THREAT DE LE BOMB. Ma soeur said, "They had to evacuate l'ecole du high." Clementine works at l'ecole du high et she said, "I had ma oil changezed ce matin et mon amie who works at le garage told moi to take her automobile to l'ecole. So I did. Et then I had to leavez une message on her phone du cell. I said, 'les polices have impoundezed votre vehicle." Hahahahahaha. Et then Clementine said, "I yelled at Oceane du jour." "What??" said Giselle et moi? "Vous yelled at our petite enfante? How could vous?" Clementine said, "She kickezed un boy en le derriere." "What?" we said? "She kickezed un boy en le derriere?" "Oui," said Clementine. Et then le boy saw moi en le hall et he yelled, "Mademoiselle Clementine, Oceane kickezed moi." Hahahahahahaha we laughezed. Clementine continued, "Et then I said, Mademoiselle Oceane! I will tell les grand meres at le Club de BS that vous kickezed un boy en le derierre. Et Oceane looked at moi avec les grand eyes et she said, Vous es going to le Club de BS? Es that how vous know moi? Et I said, Oceane, I have known vous since vous were un petite bebe. I used to bebe-sit votre pere." Et then Giselle said, "La threat de la bombe ruined ma jour. All I wanted to do was por to spend some time avec Nicolette. Mais ma fille es always too busy por moi." Ma mere said, "Well, Giselle, she does have quatre de les childrens." Giselle said, "I drovez to le Subway et I purchased une sandwiche de le long fout. Then I drovez to la mason du Nicolette et as soon as I got there Nicolette drovez away por to pick up Oceane from l'ecole du high, parce que de le threat de le bomb. So I waited at le mason por her to returnez. Then she droppezed off Oceane et then she drovez away por to pick up les other childrens from le releasez de le early jour. So, I sat at le counter en le empty mason et I ate ma half de le fout all by ma self et then I drovez back home. I can not even buy time avec ma fille." Et then la timer went off et ma soeur jumped up por to rinsez les lights de les highs out de les hairs. Et then she said, "Du jour, Iris told moi at le lunche that Nicolette es taking Kaeden to le doctor." Giselle said, "Non, that es not le truthe. Iris es only ten. She es wrongez. Nicolette never mentioned that to moi." Ma mere said, "Perhaps Nicolette did take him to le doctor." Giselle said, "Non, Nicolette did not. She didn't tell moi, so she did not." Et then ma soeur stuck les hairs right en front du all our faces por to see if we could see les lights de les highs. "Oui," I said, "I can see them." "Oui, said ma mere, "I can see them." "Oui," said Shirlee, "I can see them." "Oui," said Clementine, "I can see them." "Oui," said Giselle, "I can see them." Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam nodded les tetes en agreemente that they could see them. Ma soeur said, "Well, I can not see them." Et then I said, "Well, I am not going to givez vous back les monies." Then Clementine told le famous story de le jour that her mason blew up. "I was en le lot de les parking at le store de les groceries at le time. I heard une loud Ka-Boom
." Shirlee said, "I was there. I remembre la Ka-Boom
." Clementine said, "I had just purchased les cut de les frauds por to make les last sandwiches por mes childrens por le last jour de l'ecole. I was walking to ma automobile et une madame, that I don't carez por, said to moi, "Clementine, votre mason es on le fire." Shirlee said, "That es true. I heard her say that to vous. I was putting ma carte en le racke de les cartes." Clementine said, "I said to la madame, non, ma mason es not en le fire, I was just there. Et then la madame said to moi, "Vous need to comez avec moi. I will give vous un ridez. Et I said, Non, I can drivez. Et she said, non, I will give vous une ridez. Et I said, Non, I can drivez. Et she said, Non, vous need to comez avec moi. Et that es when I thought, ma mason must really be on le fire." Ma mere said, "Mon Dieu! Where was votre famille?" Clementine said, "they were at le mason. Ma youngest fil saw les flames out de le window en le rear et he told ma husband de le X. Trois de les neighbors had already callezed le 911 et they were outside avec les tiny hoses trying to put out une fire that went all le way up to le moon." Ma soeur said, "What made la Ka-boom
?" Clementine said, "La Ka-boom
was les lights de le skies blowing out de la roof." I said, "Mon Dieu! What was le causez de la fire?" Clementine said, "Une jour le inspector was there digging around en le dirt et I said to him, "Are vous finding anything? Et he looked up at moi en une not very nice kind de la way et he said, Mademoiselle Clementine, sometimes we never find out le causez." Et then ma soeur said, "Can vous guys really see les lights de les highs en mes hairs?" Et we said, "Oui." Et she said, "I can not." Et Shirlee said, "Aurevoir. It es time por moi to leave." Et all de les membres said, "Aurevoir, Shirlee." Et then Clementine told us de une dream that she had. "I had dyed all de mes hairs noir et I was wearing grand glasses on ma face that were noir too et all de la sudden I was en le middle de une grand parade du all kind de les mademoiselles avec all de les hairs that were dyed noir et they all had on les grand glasses on les faces that were noir too et we were all walking down le rue together et all du our tetes were tilted to les lefts et all du our faces had les crooked smiles, like this." Et then she showed us une crooked smile. Et then ma mere recalled une saying, "There was une crooked monsieur avec une crooked wife et they had les crooked childrens et they livezed en une crooked mason et they all had les crooked smiles." Et I said, "Ma Mere, I don't pense vous said that correctemente." Et then ma soeur told une story about her neighbors. "Le monsieur started cutting down a bunch de les trees le last year. Next he cut down all de les vines that hid le ugly fence de le link du les chains. Et then he cut down le very last, une et only tree that was left en his yard. All de les branches laid there por quatre jours until he finally haulezed all de le debris behind le mason. Now he walks aroundez en his naked de le buck yard avec his mower de le lawn. He walkez just like this." Et then Louisa walked aroundez le room to demonstrate le funny way he walkez et Clementine started por to laugh. "I know who walks like that. I know him. His fil walkez like that too." Et then ma soeur said, "So, they livez en a mason that es blanc. Le monsieur drives un truck de le pick up that es blanc. La madame has un sedan that es blanc. La fille has une petite automobile that es blanc. Et just le other jour I saw une truck de le deliveries en le driveway et do vous know what le truck deliverezed?"
Le Club Membres said, "Non. What?"
Et she said, "Une neuvaux stovez."
"Oh," said les membres.
"Et guess what color le stovez was?"
Et then it was time por le Shake du Jour
Bartender du jour: Ma Soeur
Numbre du jour: UNE
Rules: Une dollar to play, cinq of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed.
1st Shaker: Ma Soeur……………resulte…………ZERO.
2nd Shaker: Moi…………resulte…….DEUX.
3rd Shaker: Giselle………..resulte……..DEUX.
4th Shaker: Ma Mere………..resulte……..DEUX.
5th Shaker: Clementine………..resulte……..QUATRE......OMD!!! That was closez!!! Tres excitemente, Clementine!
Apres all de les excitemente died downez ma mere got les tears en les eyes. Novembre le 13, 2013 would be her 59th anniversary de le matrimony, mais mon pere es non longer ici. All de les membres circled le mere et gave her une grande hug.
Come back ce next week. Vous don't want to miss le last Club de BS meeting before les Holidays commencez.