The Club that keeps the Voulez in the Vous.
Officiale BS Business
Bonjour BS shot glass.
Ma Soeur said, "Ma neck es stiffe." I said, "Porquoi?" She said, "Je ne sais pas." I said, "Does it have un cold?" Ma soeur said, "Non." Ma Mere said, "Did vous do something to it?" Ma soeur said, "Non." I said, "Are vous going to see le doctor?" Ma soeur said, "Non." Et then she said, "I heated up un dog de la corn por votre petite enfant at le lunche, Millie. Et Mon amie came ento le kitchen just then. I was giving votre petite enfante his plate et she said en une joking way, "Well, well, well....what do we have ici?" Et votre petite enfant looked at her et he said, "Taunte Louisa es ma taunte." Et he stormed out de la room avec his corn de la dog. Hahahahahahahahaha. Then I said, "Ma mere. I see vous have thrown out le spider." Ma mere said, "Oui. It took moi trois jours por to get enough de la courage to pick it up by le string. Then I came up le stairs, opened le door et threw him ento le garage." I said, "Oui, that is exactemente what it looks like." Et then Clementine came skipping en through le door. "Bonjour, mes amies." Et we said, "Bonjour, Clementine." Et Clementine said, "Oh! Sons de les Bitches, I forgot mes pictures!" Et we said, "That es okay. We saw some on le Book de la Face." Et she said, "Ma fille's wedding et ma trip were perfectemente." Et we said, "Tell us all about it." Et she said, "Well, every body got along. When I arrivez to le place I said to mon husband de le X, " Es vous going to dance avec moi at le receptionne?" Le Club said, "What did he say?" Clementine said, "He said, 'I gotta have une cigarette." Hahhahahahahaha. Et then she said, "Mais then I gave him mes apologizies por if I ever hurt his feelings. Et then I cried." Le BS Membres said, "Vous cried? What did he do?" Clementine said, "He said to moi, "Clementine vous better get votre shit together." Hahahahahahahahaha. I said, "So, did he dance avec vous?" Et she said, "Oui, et we even got ce close." She held les fingers out to show about six de les inches. I said, "What about his squeeze de le main? Did she cause une scene?" "Non," said Clementine. "She was outside smoking les cigarettes all de la time. She es une smoker de la closet." I said, "Don't les smokers de les closets smoke en les closets?" Ma mere said, "Oh that reminds moi de une old movie. Le most humorous part de la movie was le pere. He would smoke une cigar enside le closet por to hide from his wife et whenever someone opened le door, le smoke would billowez out." Hahahahahahahaha. Et then I said, "Clementine, we es tres happy por vous." Clementine said, "Merci. Ma famille was stellar. Et that es une sentence that I don't get to say often!" Hahahahahahahaha. Ma soeur said, "Votre fille's dress was beautiful." Clementine said, "Oh, oui. Her fiancé, sent her measurementes to China et une stress de la seam sewed le dress et shipped it to ma fille, por only 400$. Ma fille opened up le package, she put it on et it fit her perfectemente." "Wow," said le membres. That es something. Et only 400$!" "I know!" said, Clementine. Et then ma mere announced. "I have hired une mademoiselle por le cleaning." Et we all clapped et drank to that. Et then ma mere said, "Where es Giselle?" Et then I sent une text to Giselle... "Where le heck es vous?" Et Giselle sent une texte back .... "Oops. Tres sorry. I am at ma mere's et I will not be able to attendez Le Club de BS." Et then ma mere said, "She needs to get les priorities straightened out."
Et then ma soeur said to Clementine, "What else did vous do en le Carolina that es Nord?" Then Clementine parlezed about Wilmington et all de les ancient buildings et mansions, et les beautiful masons de les beaches, et les oysters en les shells de les halves. I said, "Oh, Je n'aime pas les oysters en les shells de les halves. Mais de course, I never actually tried un." Ma mere said, "Oh, Je n'aime pas les oysters en les shells de les halves. Mais I never actually tried un either." Ma soeur said, "Oh, Je n'aime pas les oysters en les shells de les halves. Mais I never actually tried un either, but I did touchez them when I worked at la La Lobster that es Rouge." Clementine said, "Well, I tried un." The Club shrieked, "Vous did?" Clementine said, "Oui. They told moi, what vous do es vous suck le goo off le shell de la half et then vous let le oyster slither down votre throat." Le Club Membres screamed, "AHHHH! Non! Non way! Porquois? Non! Non! Non! Never! Never! Never! Not por us!" Clementine said, "Mais, I did it." Ma soeur said, "Did vous like it?" Clementine said, "Non." Hahahahahahahahah. Then Clementine said, "I asked mon ami that es gay, Michele porquoi do vous like les oysters en les shells de la halves? They es tres salty et es they es tres slimy et they just slidez down la throate." Clementine made une face that was all squichezed up et stuck out le tongue. "Et Michele looked at moi et he said very seriousemente, that es exactemente porquoi I like les oysters en les shells de les halves." Et then après une momente due silence, Le Club Membres burst ento les laughters. Et then ma mere said, "Clementine, I believe votre pall has been lifted." Et then it was time por Clementine to go to another soiree. Clementine es tres populare.
Then Maxwelle Smarte
performed his famous trick et he pranced ento le room avec his battered cube.
Et then Morrie Amsterdamt jumpeed ento it et stole le show.
Next ma soeur told une story about une worker de co. "She drove her fil up nord et dropped him off por to go hunting. Le trip was trois heurs up et trois heurs back. Then le next matin, her fil called et asked if she had his wallet." "Non!' said les membres. "That es never fun." Ma soeur went on. "So then mon amie looked en le automobile, called le restaurante they stopped por to eat et les station de la gas they'd run ento, mais non, his wallet was nowhere." Et then ma soeur said, "His lisence por to drivez was en his wallet et his card du la Security de la Social was en there too." "What?!" yelled les memebres. "Porquoi would he keep his card de la Security de la Social en his wallet? Es he crazy?" Ma soeur went on. "Et mon amie said that vous can not replacez votre lisence por to drivez without votre card de la Security de la Social et vous can not replacez votre carde de la Security de la Social without votre license por to drivez." Et we said, "That es une pickle." Then I said, Ce next week es Kennedy du Jean F. week on le televisionne et Sven es tres excitemente. Et Rob Lowe es going to premiere en une movie." Ma mere said, "Did vous say Rob Low?" Ma soeur said, "Did vous say Bob Law?" I said, "Did vous say, Bob blah blah?" Et then we all laughed et laughed et said Bob blah blah over et over et over again, parce que we can not ever arretez ourselves once we startez.
Et then it was time por le Shake du Jour
Bartender du jour: Ma Mere
Numbre du jour: UNE
Rules: Une dollar to play, cinq of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed.
1st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………3
2nd Shaker: Ma Soeur…………resulte…….3
3rd Shaker: moi………..resulte……..2
Once again le pot es safe et sound from le Club de BS.
Fear es mounting. La grand famille es coming soon por le Giving de les Mercis. Les Sons de les Bitches always comez from out de la town et winnez les monies et drivez away like les riche millionaires.
Tune in ce next week. Vous don't want to miss any of le excitemente stories that come out du Le Condo.