"On today's Cat Talk, Finley, the guy who tells it like it is, will finally tell Millie M.D. Noe, phamous pheline psychiatrist, like it is.
"Hi ya Mill. How goes it?"
"Finley, it is nice to see you after our last four failed attempts."
"Huh?"
"It seems that our guest has taken off after an invisible flying intruder."
"Oh wait. Here he comes. Look out! Jesus! He just slid into the oven with his head, bounced off into a back spin, banked a shot off the fridge.... and.... now he is gone again."
"While my executive producer, my sister Louisa, locates our guest, let me see if I can get any insights into this elusive creature through the glass. Excuse me Mrs. Tortugas, what can you tell me about Finley? Hello. Hey turtle! Oh. here comes Finley again."
"Sorry, I've been chasing that winged bastard for a week. What were you saying?"
"I was wondering why you never made it to any of your appointments."
"Oh. I dunno. Hey, did you know that Caden is going to be a famous golfer? And that I am going to be his catty?"
"Finley, where are you going? Shit! Louisa! For those of you who are not familiar with Caden. He would be my grandson, owner of Finley. And unlike Finley's sister, Oreo, the black cat who holes herself up across the hall in Iris' room, Finley is more of an escape artist."
"You rang?"
"Okay. Now would you please just stay put?"
"I think heard something!"
"Argh! FINLEY! WOULD YOU LIKE A TREAT?!!"
"Hello. Yes please."
"Now that I have your attention. The reason I am here is to get to the bottom of your issue."
"What issue?"
"Your inability to stay focused."
"Caden says I am awesome. Did you know that we are going to tour the world? We are even going to Hawaii. And we are gonna live in Florida so we can practice all the time. You know Steve Sticker?"
"Well.."
"He practices here in Wisconsin over the winter. He has a big heated tent or something. But not me and Cade. We are gonna live where it is nice all the time. Where there are palm trees and coconuts and pretty girls. You can come and visit. I am sure it'll be okay. What is in this box?"
"I hope it works out. But, just for today, let us concentrate....."
"Shhh. Did you hear that?"
"No. I didn't hear anything."
"Caden says we are gonna have our own golf cart, and we are gonna drive it everywhere and...."
"FINLEY!"
"What?"
"What are you doing in Iris' room?
"Her door was open."
"But we weren't finished."
"Caden says we might get a jet ski. Have you ever jet skied?"
"No. I. Hey! I am asking the questions! And what are you doing up there?"
"You didn't see that thing fly by?"
"No. Nothing flew by."
"I have to wear a life vest. We both do. And we are gonna do a LOT of fishing too. Caden might have his own fishing show if the golf thing doesn't work out because of back problems like Tiger. Probably catch sharks and rays in the ocean. Fish from our jet skis. They don't have any jet ski fishing shows yet. Do they?"
"I haven't seen any. But.."
"Millie, do you like cat nip?"
"I have never tried it."
"Me neither. Cat nip is a drug. Professional golfers get tested."
"They do?"
"There are lots of screwed up golfers out there, you know. That nip can really mess you up. You ever see that old commercial? This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. And then the guy cracks two eggs in the pan and fries them sunny side up? He should have scrambled those eggs. That would have been more effective. Don't you think?"
"Oh my. Would you look at the time. Louisa is waving her flag. Folks thank you once again for tuning in to Cat Talk. It has been a wonderful season. In case you missed any of our previous shows, my staff will post them below."
"A couple days ago Caden told me.."
"Finley!"
"What?"
"Where do they hide their liquor around here?"
"OREO! LUCY! YOU GUYS CAN COME OUT NOW. THE CRAZY LADY IS GONE!"
"Hey. Is this thing still on?"
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