Welcome to Cat Talk.
Today Millie M.D. Noe, phamous pheline pyschiatrist and ....
"What's that Louisa?"
Hang on. My sister, as well as executive producer, is saying something into my ear piece.
Finley, the cat who tells it like it is, has been bumped to next week's show, as we have a surprise guest who just jumped onto my office.
"What brings you here?"
"Nothin'. I just thought I'd lay down on the part of the puzzle you were working on."
"You do know how to make it a challenge."
"I heard that Grandma Meow Moses dragged my reputation through the mud all over Facebook last week on your so called show."
"Well, she did have.."
"That cat is full of shit."
"Now Tuna, I am not sure that language is..."
"The woman is a liar. I never went for her jugular. Well, except for that one time. But, I didn't know who she was or what the heck she was doing in our basement. You could have told me she was living down there."
"That is how it is done in nature you know. You go for the throat. I chipped a tooth on that pearl necklace of hers and never got an apology."
"Well, it seems that.."
"She has anger issues that she needs to work on. I stop by everyday, sometimes twice, to wave a friendly little hello under the door at the bottom of the stairs."
"Well, I'm not.."
"And do you know what she does?"
"I have heard.."
"She bites my feet. Look at all these scars."
"Well, maybe you should stop..."
"And when I want to come back inside the house I cannot tell you how many times I have seen her on my step through the window when I am hanging there on the screen, freezing my ass off."
"She does come upstairs when.."
"And do you know what Grandma does while I am hanging on for dear life?"
"Well I have.."
"She looks right at me, drops the f-bomb and spits at my face."
"Well, she is probably..."
"The problem is she has you and my dad Sven and that stupid Hunter dog of yours all fooled with her clutch purse full of tissues and her high heel shoes. I bet you think she goes to church every Sunday."
"Well, she has mentioned.."
"She wouldn't watch a sermon if you streamed it right into her fancy little apartment down there. All she wants is milk and treats and me dead."
"Well, I don't know.."
"Why does she get a heated bed?"
"It's cold down..."
"I don't have a heated bed."
"Tuna, you have the whole house. You have the woods. You have the..."
"I do not have a heated bed."
"If I buy you a heated bed will you be nice to Grandma?"
"I am always nice to Grandma."
"Will you let Grandma come upstairs and cuddle next to us on the couch so we can all watch tv together?"
"Not a freaking chance."
Well folks, it looks like we are beginning to make some headway with this kitty's teenage attitude. It's nothing that a couple two three million more sessions can't fix.
Until next week, when Finley, the cat who tells it like it is, tells it like it is, be well and stay safe.
See you then.
In case you missed last week's, Cat Talk, you can catch up here.