Dear Millie

Dear Millie,

Is there a correct way to eat a bowl of chili?
I know there are more serious dilemmas what with the presidential election and the Covid-19 and the mask on mask off debate. But sometimes we folks could just use a little help with answers to more basic questions.
So that we can get through a meal in peace.
You see, I prefer a stack of saltine crackers with my chili.
My boyfriend does not.
He says I am polluting it.
Who is right?
Thank you for taking my question.

Mabel from Mobile, Alabama

Dear Mabel from Mobile,

I just want to say kudos to you kiddo for being a lover of chili.
We here in Wisconsin live on it nine months of the year as well as cool summer evenings and hot summer days, so I believe I am qualified to answer your question.
Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot.
Of course you should add crackers.
Because your bowl of chili should be served up while it is piping hot and still bubbling. The crackers in there are what make it possible to get a little taste without destroying your tongue.
You always want to have a stack of crackers next to you. They are to be used as scoopers. This way you can fish out all the soggy ones from the bottom of your bowl and eat a pile of wet, chili flavored, crackers on top of a crispy one.
Who is this douche bag you are dating anyway?
You might want to rethink your options.
I once married a guy, my sweet Sven, because he was super cute. As a matter of fact he was so cute that I didn't even care that he was not a fan of pizza.
It has been a rough journey.
But at least over the thirty something years we have been together, he knows better than to critique how someone enjoys their chili.
He wouldn't be able to say anything if he wanted to anyway.
He is always too busy over there blowing at his bowl to talk.
Unless this boyfriend of your is seriously adorable, dump his ass and move on.
Thank you for your question.

Millie Noe it All

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