Dear Millie

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Dear Millie,

Perhaps you will think I am paranoid, but lately I have been wondering if my husband might possibly be cheating.

He is always texting on his phone when he is with me, but that is not that big of a deal because he is hardly ever home.

I do not want to be a ball and chain wife, but Tom never golfed, fished or hunted a day in his life, until six months ago.

Yesterday he went ice fishing.


It was a high of minus ten degrees.

I am starting to get really suspicious because he hates fish. He doesn't even like tartar sauce, which is ridiculous. I mean the tartar sauce is the best part. Well, maybe it is the French fries. Especially if you dip your fries in your tartar sauce.

Do you think my feelings are unfounded? I sure hope I am wrong, because you see, he is the love of my life.

Waiting on baited hook for your reply.

Cookie from Kimberly

Dear Cookie,

My sweet Sven and I have a cat.

His name is Tuna.

Tuna has the cutest face ever and is always dressed in a tuxedo.

He is quite savvy.

Sven and I have a hard time keeping track of the little devil. This has a lot to do with our age and the fact that Tuna is always on one side of the door or the other, unless of course he is napping in his very own Airbnb, AKA the guest room, or in front of a heat register or on a windowsill, or under a chair or in a box, or on top of the refrigerator, or, well you get the picture.

He is shifty.

Anyway, we spend most evenings saying things like, "Is Tuna inside or out?"

Then we do our routine detective work.

"The last time I was in the kitchen I think he just wanted treats. I don't think he went out."

"I let him in, but I don't know if that was before or after the last time you were in the kitchen."

"I remember letting him out, but I don't know how long ago that was."

"If Tuna was in the house, he would be bathing in front of the fire or begging for treats."

"You're right. This is not his nap time."

Anyway, you get the drift.

Sven came up with a slogan that we live by so that we do not go to bed and leave our little Tunester outside to freeze his ass off.


I think this slogan works for you as well.

Your husband is cheating.

Even Tuna doesn't ice fish.

I hope your divorce is civil.


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