Chapter I
It was all my fault.
Tuna was staring in the dining room window on that steamy morning.
Down the hall I went to my office door and closed it with Grandma Meow Moses asleep on my desk chair on the other side.
I let Tuna into the kitchen and gave him a couple treats, because that is how it works here in the black hole just outside Harmony Grove.
Sometimes folks will ask, "Do those two cats of yours get along now? The young one in the tuxedo with sharpened claws and that little old deaf lady with all the pearls and cataracts?"
"No. They do not," is how I always answer.
Up the stairs I went to brush my teeth.
My sweet Sven was in the loft reading about mammals.
"How is your book?" I asked.
"I am all this way and not even up to the dinosaurs yet," he complained.
Good, I thought, as I walked away. Maybe this one will last him a little while.
"Do I hear cats fighting?" he said.
"They must be arguing through the office door," I hollered over running water.
And then the hair on the back of my neck prickled. The eyes in the mirror in front of me opened wide as they began to grasp the immensity of the increasing volume coming from downstairs.
There is something unworldly about the sounds that cats make when having a disagreement.
"Shit!"
I threw down my toothbrush, skidded to the door, and took a sharp right down the stairs.
"TUNA!!!! NO!!!!!
NO!!!!! TUNA!!!!!
STOP!
Tuna looked at me coming his way at the speed of light, back at Grandma curled in a ball in front of him, back at me, and then he lunged for Ms. Moses, who's language was absolutely atrocious.
And her body language had already said everything it had to say.
I grabbed Tuna by the tail while the sweet little thing underneath him continued to scream profanities. I put my other hand under his belly, picked him up, ran to the kitchen door, opened it, and threw him out.
He glanced back at me from the sidewalk with innocent googly eyes.
And then he wandered off, like nothing had happened.
That was a week ago.
Grandma has since forgiven me for the slip up, but she will "Never, ever," as she put it, "forgive that bastard."
"What's that Louisa?"
Hang on. My sister is saying something.
"Oh."
She wants to know how they got into a fight with my office door closed.
"When I closed it, Grandma wasn't in in there."
And so, it goes.
Grandma Has a Gripe - Chapter II
It was all my fault.
Tuna was outside, so, I let Grandma come upstairs from her assisted living apartment for a bowl of milk and a visit.
I had just finished writing Grandma has a Gripe and went to take a shower.
"How's your book?" I asked my sweet Sven on the way.
"It's okay. But I've already read this one."
I guess all the mammals didn't last very long.
Grandma Meow Moses wandered into the bathroom. I was dressed and brushing my teeth when sounds from another world, like cats having a disagreement, began.
I spit out my toothbrush and scooped Grandma up just as Tuna sprang out of the bathroom closet like a jack-in-the-box.
I had saved the little old lady's life.
And for that, she sunk her teeth into my hand as hard as she could just as Sven grabbed the guy in the tuxedo, took him down the stairs and threw him out the kitchen door.
"What's that Louisa?"
Hang on. My sister is saying something to me.
"Well, duh! I thought Tuna was outside!"
That was yesterday.
And so, it goes.
