Here in Wisconsin, Memorial Weekend weather is historically crappy.
Occasionally one of the three days might shape up to qualify as, not horrible, but that is only because we are speaking relatively.
Most years the meteorologists begin their preambles as sunny and hopeful. But the closer the weekend gets, the worse their stories.
The ostracized person standing in front of the green screen spends most of their time pointing, stammering, apologizing and downplaying how everything had changed since the initial seven day outlook.
"Folks you should be able to get out and enjoy your Memorial Day parade if you live in a very small town and it begins at ten AM and it is a short one. Bring your umbrellas just in case."
For most of my sixty-six years here on this planet, if the sun showed it's face for this particular holiday weekend it was always accompanied by it's best friend, Gale Force Winds. If they were off ruining someone else's parade at the time, torrential rains was always a great back up in their absence and often Gale would at least make an appearance in time for an encore.
And of course, there is always a chance we could hit a new record low which seems to be exciting for the meteorologists.
Some of the children of the Grove and Lodi growing up in the eighties and nineties are still traumatized from their three day canoe trips on the Wisconsin River, setting up tents on sandbars along the way. The parents managed to cope with mother nature's cruelty and all the whiny kids with a little help from their friend, Snowshoe Grog, who was often seen circling the campfire at night, while all they had were sandy S'mores with burnt marshmallows.
It is just that at the time we parents were young and stupid and we believed in the six o'clock news.
This year the extended forecast for Memorial weekend started out as a dream come true on a distant horizon.
Of course everyone over forty-five knew it was nothing more than a sick joke, because that is the average age trusting people begin to wake up.
I am typing this as quickly as I can, as I do not have a lot of time this Memorial Monday morning, as it will be the third gorgeous day in a row. This stroke of good fortune is about as common as Halley's Comet which is not due back until 2062.
I feel responsible to record this unnatural slice of history.
Louisa and I understand, due to our many years of combined sisterly wisdom, that this amazing display of sun and warm and no wind or rain, is not for free. We here in the Midwest will be paying for this decent holiday weather for decades to come.
Chances are this will be the last perfect Memorial Weekend of our lifetime.
Unfortunately, this shockingly decent weather caught a few of us off guard.
You see, some of the old Memorial weekend party planners who had been duped year after year, had backed off hosting those giant cookouts at the lake where everyone always ended up eating inside a crowded cottage or crammed into a boathouse with Gale Force, whistling through it.
This year, two days before the three day weekend extravaganza was to begin, my sweet Sven and I decided to invite a few friends and family to join us at the cottage on Saturday, because we finally realized that the meteorologists were not backing off or even stammering.
They were acting like Hollywood movie stars making their grand red carpet entrances.
Well, a few stragglers did manage to stop in at the cottage Saturday afternoon on their way to or from the many events that had been planned come hell or high water, in advance.
Sven grilled our three brats.
And we sat there on the swinging bench, just the two of us in front of the fire and we stared at the lake.
The weather could not have been more perfect.
Here are some exit interviews after the phenomenon that everyone is still talking about.
"Excuse me Ma'am. Channel 25 News here. What did you think of this holiday and the great weather?"
"Oh, my gosh. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I was pulled in a million directions. I wish I would have been more prepared. I had no idea!"
"Sir, can you give me a moment of your time?"
"What did you think of the amazing weather that stopped in here for the entire three day weekend?'
"I am just really worried about the havoc this is gonna reek on Christmas. My whole family is planning to come up this way."
"Miss, where will you tell your kids you were that one Memorial Day weekend of 2023, when the most perfect weather hung out with you and your family the entire time?"
"I was at Diddley's doing shooters all weekend long! Whooo! Whoo! What? It was nice out?"
"Well, that is a wrap from Channel 25, covering the black hole just outside Harmony Grove."