It is the official month of love. If you are in need of advice, ask Millie Noe it all, Love Expert.
Dear Millie Noe it all,
After thirty-seven years of marriage does an old guy like me really have to go out there and shop for Valentine's Day?
Since 1986, all my wife has ever done is place a card next to the coffee pot where I will find it first thing in the morning, every February the fourteenth.
It seems a little unfair.
I believe the diamond ring I slid on her finger should suffice.
If I were to skip the Hallmark holiday this year do you think she would mind?
Cupid shot his arrow long ago when we said, "I do."
Haven't I done my time?
Forever Yours Truly,
Your Sweet Sven
Dear Sweet Sven,
Just because your wife places a card where you will see it first thing in the morning every February the fourteenth, does not mean that you need to go out and buy her a gift. It means that you should already have your shopping done.
Peanut butter does not spread itself on an English muffin anymore than juice pours itself into a glass. And those pants you are wearing did not wash themselves. Although it looks like you ought to toss them down the shoot. And do not wipe your hands on the next pair.
Unfortunately for you, but lucky for her, you set the Valentine bar high the year you smashed your ankle into a thousand pieces and were laid up for a few months while your company simultaneously lost its ass.
I remember it like yesterday.
Your wife was driving home from work feeling sorry for herself when she noticed her parents' car parked on Main Street right in front of a bar. This made her cranky because she unfairly jumped to the conclusion that you had all been out having a gay old time without her after your doctor appointment.
At the house all of you said, "No we didn't stop anywhere," and were acting weird. And then you hurriedly hobbled into the bathroom on your crutches with something stuffed under your jacket.
A little later your wife peeked in the bathtub and saw a single red rose in a vase hiding behind the shower curtain.
You shot yourself in your own foot with that move.
It was very romantic.
She expects no less.
Yours Truly and Forever,
Millie Noe it all