Number One Fan
Two weeks ago today my life was changed forever. Again. It is almost unbearable. But, the fact that I am sitting in this chair is an indication that I will come out of this alive. "This too shall pass," as my mother would say. My tears will decrease. My heart will open. And I will feel joy. Did you know that your emotions are all stored in the same bin? And that moving your feet forward comes with different levels of difficulty? And that deep breaths can keep you from falling down that shaft into the dark when the floor drops out from under you? Sometimes. And that during hard times the tiniest thing can make you cry? And that during hard times my Sweet Sven is hilarious? Remember that episode on Friends when Phoebe caught that cold and all of a sudden she had that sexy singing voice? And she and her guitar were a big hit in the coffee shop? This fragile state of my heart, mind and soul seem to be making Sven a super star here at home. If nothing else, he is enjoying his moment in the spotlight. Just the other day he says, "Millie, I had the most spectacular bugger today." I spit out my wine. I rolled on the floor. I couldn't wait to hear the story. Which I will spare you. I had just never heard spectacular and bugger in the same sentence before. And then our mailbox was knocked off the post by the snow plow. This was not that funny. But then Sven calls the post office and asks if they would please hold our mail until Saturday, after the polar vortex we were dealing with was over. "What did they say?" I asked with little interest. "They said it was no problem. They aren't delivering any mail until after the polar vortex is over." I about busted a gut. He just grinned. Since his last trip to the dentist, Sven has a lot to do in order to get ready for bed. I used to have the bathroom all to myself. But now I have to share. And while Sven is busy gargling some God awful concoction for two full minutes, he always has something to say. Which is weird. Because often he does not. So, when he gargled the words, "Come on up Hunter," to our dog. And Hunter followed suit. I about peed my pants. And then Sven started laughing with that mouthful of shit. How he didn't spray it all over the place is beyond me. And then came his grand finale. "Millie!" he yelled the other night when I was all tucked in. "They stuck!" I was very impressed with his Olympic style boot toss landing from the loft. But, I know that in time, Sven's super star comedic claim to fame will pass. That phrases like, spectacular bugger, will not always take my house down. That this too shall pass. And that someday I will be okay. Even without my number one fan. My mother. And my best friend.