The Brighter Side of Death

Even as a figment of an imagination I am the first to admit that death terrifies me. I not only fear my own death, I take the death of others horribly. I am however, an eternal optimist by nature, so I have decided to take a moment to write down all of the things I will be thankful for when the angel of darkness comes to carry me away into that big black hole of whatever it is.

1. No more annual performance reviews and writing measurable goals for the next year.
2. No chance of a public speaking obligation.
3. No more starting a car in sub- zero temperatures with nostrils frosted shut.
4. No more Sunday nights made of fitful sleep and the freaking alarm buzzing at 5:00 AM.
5. No more Public Radio pledge weeks.
6. No more coloring my roots.
7. No more cleaning up the hairball puke that I heard taking place during a fitful Sunday night of sleep.
8. No more wishing I hadn’t said that thing that I wished I hadn’t said.
9. No more worrying about dying.
10. No more cleaning bathrooms and dealing with pubic hair even if half of it is mine.
11. No more feeling that role of fat around my waist with my elbow as I sit here and type.
12. No more guilt feelings for not having led a more humanitarian life.
13. Never again seeing that commercial with the sad song and all of those dogs that need my money.
14. No more printer jams.
15. No more mammograms.
16. No more static cling due to a simple oversight.
17. No more vending machines taking my money and keeping my merchandise.
18. No more farm tractors pulling out in front of me that are too wide to see around to make a pass.
19. No more shit piled on the island when I come home from work.
20. No more missing my dad.

There, after writing this little list I feel a hell of a lot better about that fateful night that awaits us all. I daresay that I almost feel a sense of relief about the inevitable. I highly suggest that you make a list yourself or feel free to add on to this one. Maybe I should have gone into psychology.