Our printer was out of order for three years.
So, I ordered a new one from Amazon.
Setting it up was a task unsuitable for Millie Noe, but I hung in, and I hung on and I swore like a sailor and had tears of joy when I was finally able to print off an application for The Dragon Art Fair.
And that is when life became complicated.
According to the application, one must provide a seller's permit, and something called an EIN number along with a description of their process, four uploaded photos of their work, a check for the jury and another check to pay for a spot, if accepted by the jurors.
"Holy moly."
Thank God the printer was working, because it wasn't long before my office became a print shop, with documents mounting.
Did you know that the new printers no longer have scan buttons?
In just two short days, I figured out how to scan. You go through settings and open the queue.
For the love of God.
Pretty soon I was in over my head in MY Tax Account.
Since I had no idea how to make up a seller's permit or an EIN number, My Tax Account is where the internet led me. About three hundred dollars later, these numbers came in handy for the next two art fair applications that came out of my printer.
These also required two checks, as well as proof of event insurance, and a photo of my ten-by-ten white tent, set up with my art in it as it would appear in their fair.
Well.
I didn't have event insurance.
So, I purchased some following the link provided.
I also didn't have a ten-by-ten white tent.
But Amazon had several.
So.
It probably would have been best had I warned my sweet Sven, but I thought I had more time to figure out a way to bring it up.
Then I walked in the house and almost tripped over a very large box barely inside the kitchen door.
"What is in there?" said Sven.
That seemed like the right time.
The following day, we set the event tent up in our loft. Thankfully our ceilings are cathedral style. However, the ceiling fan was a bit of a work around.
And so, there it was.
A big white empty tent.
That is when things started getting complicated.
Now what do I do?
Well, Amazon had ideas.
More boxes arrived and I became an expert at screwing together display rack puzzles that glide on wheels.
Next, I realized I needed a business bank account on account of buying all these business supplies and trying to keep track of the expanding situation.
So, using twelve hundred dollars from my much-depleted savings account, I walked out of the bank with more papers and a JJ Black Hole Art debit card.
Did you know that small businesses must keep a daily balance of five hundred and fifty dollars?
I didn't either.
Well.
There was ample confusion, with a capital A, in regard to signing into this new small business account due to a clerical error from the get-go where an eight had been entered rather than a zero on the EIN number.
The bank manager at my bank had to refer me to her supervisor at the other branch and that supervisor ended up calling the corporate office thinking there was a glitch with a recent update to their system.
She had never seen anything like it.
Anyway.
I dropped off a bottle of wine to the poor woman I had been stalking for several days.
A letter arrived in the black hole just outside Harmony Grove.
I opened it with shaky fingers.
"Congratulations, you have been accepted to the Dragon Art Fair," it said.
"Sweet baby Jesus!" I screamed.
And then another letter.
"Congratulations, you have been accepted to the Spring Green Art Fair."
"Holy Balls!"
In May I will hear about the event in Paoli.
And now things are starting to get complicated.
I purchased a credit card reader.
If you are cool, you call it a Square.
Which is ironic.
This Square of mine needs to be set up and I need to be able to work the thing in just five short weeks.
I am taking a day off worrying about it, since my initial try at logging in yesterday.
You see, Millie Noe and I do not always figure out technology on our first swing.
"What's that Louisa?"
Oh, my sister says I am Millie Noe.
"You know what I mean, Louisa!"
And sometimes I am not sure which way I have already swung.
In case you don't know, you can only swing so many times and in so many directions until they call you out. To this day, I am not able get into my own Etsy shop manager account unless I go through a private browser that has none of my browsing history. And each time I do this I have to verify who I am with their security code.
And all of this because I once had a dream that I would own a big white tent and I would travel the world selling my art.
That dream was fifty years ago.
I think that might have been the chicken.
Or maybe it was the egg.
It all depends on which one comes first.