I don't know if this is a direct result of the pandemic, but, Bark Man, Tuxedo Boy and Cat Lady have not been getting any calls from Commissioner Gordon as of late. So they have just been hanging out here in the black hole with me and my Sweet Sven.
We need a bank robber or a graffiti artist or even a teenage mailbox smasher to come through, because without a job for The Titanic Trio, they continue to use all their super powers to sink my ship.
Take Bark Man for instance.
He begins using his super power around seven-thirty or whenever Sven gets out of bed.
It is at this time that he feels it is his duty to make a fuss because one parent is in bed and one is not.
After Sven convinces him that he should stop barking and come out of the bedroom I hear his overgrown nails clicking down the hallway and then picture a circle, circle, circle before a resounding thud as he lands on the rug.
This is when Tuxedo Boy steps over my face to get to my other side so that he can squeeze in somewhere most inconvenient.
We doze for a while.
And then barking starts back up out there because Sven decides he would like to go upstairs to read a book in the morning sunshine.
After much commotion, Bark Man heads back our way and circles around and around and clunks back down onto his bed at the foot of our bed and that is just about the time Tuxedo Boy decides he is due for a bath, on top of me.
"Well, I guess it is time for us to get up," I will say and throw the covers over Tuxedo Boy and his loofah.
Bark Man follows me to the bathroom and lays down outside the door wherever he can find a spot without any carpet so that I will have to help him back up, while Tuxedo Boy waltzes through the door to take his spot under the toilet paper in order to further his studies towards his doctorate in curiosity.
This upsets Bark Man.
And Bark Man is stuck out there.
So he pours on his super power pretty thick.
"Just a minute!"
Then it is time for breakfast.
Bark Man has managed to find another bare spot on the kitchen floor next to the chimney so he will either need assistance to get over to his bowl or he will summons for meals on wheels to be delivered directly to him.
As usual Tuxedo Boy snubs his meal.
"Just something light this morning," he says. "Maybe a few treats."
Bark Man waits for his share of Tuxedo Boy treats because that is the way it works around here.
Once my coffee is ready we three head outside for our morning walk to clear the cobwebs and do our business.
When we return there are often towels and swear words involved, depending what Bark Man has done.
Tuxedo Boy is ready for a couple more treats and then a couple more while I am toasting an English Muffin for me and my Sweet Sven, who is still lost in his book.
If the moon, the sun and the stars are lined up correctly, and Tuxedo Boy is full of treats, he goes back outside.
This is when Bark Man and I pull up to the counter to enjoy our toasted muffin with peanut butter and that is when we hear Cat Lady calling.
Cat Lady is still downstairs in her cat cave.
I hang the beware of Cat Lady sign up in the window of the door, so that nobody accidentally lets Tuxedo Boy in, since his goal in life is to kill that old fur ball.
Bark Man has one bite of Cat Lady's Fancy Feast that always gets left in the can while I take Cat Lady the rest of it, fill up her dry food, fetch her fresh water and scoop her poop, while she inhales some of her fancy shit.
Then the two of us go upstairs so that she can have a little milk and bitch about Tuxedo Boy for a spell before climbing the stairs to join my Sweet Sven in the sunshine.
Tuxedo Boy is suspicious that Cat Lady gets up in his business whenever he leaves the house, so he spends his time outdoors biting the heads off snakes, snacking on mice and window peeking into his own home.
Cat Lady is well aware of Tuxedo Boy's peeping Tom antics and she lets out a nails on chalkboard screech when she spots him looking through the glass.
This super power howl upsets Bark Man to no end which causes a pretty good sized bark fest.
I carry Cat Lady back down to her cat cave where she hangs up her keep out sign so that she can catch a little shut eye after a strenuous outing.
The beware of Cat Lady sign is removed from the window as I let Tuxedo Boy in and he barges past and shoots straight down the stairs to the door at the bottom, which is closed.
It is very loud when he tries to take it down.
This is when my sweet Sven lifts his nose out of his book and says, "Hey!"
Cat Lady is unaware of the situation, as she has a hearing problem and is already snuggled into her heated bed on the top shelf of her cat cave.
However it really pisses off Bark Man.
It is now ten am.
For more stories in this crime fighting series, click above on Titanic Trio.