Sunday November 24, 2013
Hear Ye!!! Hear Ye!!! Everybody!!! Grab a pen or open your Smart Phone calendar. Jot this date down, cuz we are going to celebrate this blissful holiday for years to come. I declare this day to be 'The Dog Day of November.' And I daresay Hallmark will make another killing.
What happened? Hunter...........this guy right here, featured in the picture, was good today. Yep. And I'm not EVEN lying. I dressed myself in my nicest bullet proof vest when I couldn't take all the staring anymore and we set out for a walk. Along the way he stopped to smell the roses and I forgot to. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw him bound past me at a very high speed. I looked at the leash in my hand and squinted my eyes in anticipation of a jerk that was sure to dislocate my shoulder, but nothing happened. Then I watched him run down the path in front of me, naked as a jaybird. I slowly moved my eyes to the end of the leash and there it was hanging, his collar and his tags and no dog. It must have slipped over the top of his pinny pinhead while he was smelling the flowers or the feces or whatever he'd been sniffing. So I called after him, "HUNTER!!!!!" I could see him bouncing around like a wildebeest between trees and in then in the field, just a zigging and a zagging. He looked like a ricocheting bullet in a birthday suit. Now, even though he is extremely well trained and dutifully follows my every command, since I am a certified, profanity screaming, dog whisperer, I wasn't so sure what was going to happen in this particular situation. He didn't even have his phone number hanging around his neck in order for the pissed off people at the dump to give us a call if he went galloping over there. Then I remembered that Sven had just left for the dump. Maybe he would see Hunter there and nonchalantly open the truck door and Hunter would just jump right in and catch a ride home. Or, maybe not. I turned around to go home. I was thinking of the best way to explain to Sven that I had lost the wonder dog and that Hunter was now running around in a land where lots-a-people were sitting up in trees, looking down the long barrels of their shot guns, just waiting for something with Hunter's exact coloring to come bounding by, so that they could blow it's head off, unless it had trophy antlers and Hunter does not. As the tears began to well up, I heard some rustling to my right. That wildebeest I was telling you about earlier jumped right out in front of me on the path. His eyes were on fire and his tie dyed, purple, pink and black tongue was hanging out to the side of his large teeth. I remained very calm. Always remain calm in these types of situations. "Hi Hunter," I said all casual like. He stood there looking at me. So I opened his collar. I took a step forward. I put the collar around his neck and I snapped it shut. We then turned around and headed back the way we'd started like nothing ever happened. I tell ya. All that training really does pay off.